Handbob?

Well they have the next performative Mike Pence walkout to look forward to, so that's fun.

I like that he’s retiring to “travel the world,” which for a goober like him probably means traveling across state lines to go to a fucking Waffle House.

Philly’s basically a turnpike rest stop between D.C. and NYC.

If/when Carson Wentz goes down this season, there is a non-zero chance that someone will call WIP and very strongly recommend they sign Jeff Garcia.

Do yourself a favor and find a hipster bar in Philly that makes it’s own scrapple. A slice of heaven right there my friend.

Well now I feel like a superior parent because I saved that lesson for the president.

Jim Gardner and the theme song for his news program are both delightfully from the same vintage.

There are indeed 1,000 better places to get a sandwich. Wawa sandwiches are meh. The rolls are good but there is not nearly enough meat, and every sandwich shop that isn’t 7/11 is using better rolls anyway. The coffee isn’t any better than what you get at a decent Sunoco or 7/11, either.

Sheetz has fucking fried cheese curds. I’ll never understand how people think Wawa is better.

Jay Paterno is your co-worker?

You say that like it’s not awesome.

If Nagy wanted to dismiss the story—and he said Wednesday he hadn’t read it—he would probably say the kickers are merely disgruntled at not getting jobs.

Wait wait wait, why is it the fault of Cody Parkey that he never went to Soldier Field to practice kicking? The team was paying him millions a year to play an integral position and they just accepted this fucking answer? They couldn’t send a car to go pick him up and bring him in to practice kicking at the stadium if…

See Dad?? It’s not my fault I suck at everything, it’s society!

Dammit, where did they get those giant bendy-screen devices, and why are they wasting them reading boring stupid words??

I hate to be responsible for sending anyone down this stupid rabbit hole, but there is a fan theory that Marge actually sleeps with Mike Yanagita.

That large pile of salt or whatever the fuck near I-895 is pretty impressive.

She’d slump her shoulders and mutter “Hey Jessica” in a Stupid Drew voice, and I would have no comeback. I wasn’t gonna be like HEY YOU KNOW I COULD GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HER IF I WANTED TO, MISSY.

The Ravens suck because they STILL have no problem celebrating someone who not only lied to cover up a murder he witnessed committed by people he knew, but who then claimed to have converted to Christianity in a deeply cynical ploy to move on from that. Everyone in Baltimore bought it because they have absolutely…