She’d slump her shoulders and mutter “Hey Jessica” in a Stupid Drew voice, and I would have no comeback. I wasn’t gonna be like HEY YOU KNOW I COULD GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HER IF I WANTED TO, MISSY.

The Ravens suck because they STILL have no problem celebrating someone who not only lied to cover up a murder he witnessed committed by people he knew, but who then claimed to have converted to Christianity in a deeply cynical ploy to move on from that. Everyone in Baltimore bought it because they have absolutely…

All of the extremely obnoxious and stupid “12" shit is the Seahawks being all

If you want to die with dignity when your CTE-induced mental illness drives you to suicide, it’s very important to evacuate your bowels first.

LOL @ Chick-fil-a having “quality.”

Chick-fil-a’s success isn’t due to the food. It can’t be. The chicken sandwich is good, but the nuggets and tenders are both dry and bland, especially when compared to Popeyes far superior version of both of those things. The fries are shit and I don’t know how people think they’re any good - they are also bland and…

Agreed. The Olympics fucking rule. So what they ought to do is hold them in the same place every time. The traveling road show exists exclusively for the purpose of graft. Summer games in Athens. Winter games in Norway or whatever. It doesn't matter in the slightest to the viewer where the games are held, so they…

The issue isn’t insecurity about one’s ability, it’s concern that others will not see the narcissist as the truly top-notch human they are.

If all the racist, misogynist, nativist, white supremacist pieces of MAGA garbage actually won every front of the culture war, the males of the species would all be emulating Ben Roethlisberger.

Weird, I didn’t get that memo that the season was ending a month and a half early!

I definitely oppose spending 0.02% of the federal budget on school lunches for poor people because I don’t have freedom if federal dollars are spent thusly, and not because such spending disproportionately provides food for minority children.

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

Drew’s extra-spicey Washington Football Team takes are always a highlight of this. You can tell by how early this posted that Drew practically ejaculated this onto the Interwebs. However!

WHY WOULD A ROBOT HAVE A BUTTHOLE? Am I seriously the only one who thinks this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

I can tell from this post that you pronounce it “Barthelona.”

It bothers me that every time there’s an article, it’s the same two people… And if it’s not an article about me, do you ever hear their names anywhere else? At what point do you move on? You talk about me being sensitive and petty? At what point do you move on or stop telling the same stories?

“Cheated?” Please. These people wanted their kids to remain uneducated. What if they became one of those dreaded Liberal Elites what hate America and worship Satan??

At least now Cincinnatians can lord it over Toledo that they aren’t the ones who got mistaken for Dayton. So they’ve got THAT going for them.

Joey Lawrence did it first. And better.