I saw Andy Borowitz perform live on Friday. Someone in audience asked him what he thought of the Kavanaugh mess. He said, and I’m quoting as close to memory as possible, “let’s pretend Christing Blasey Ford never came forward. In fact, let’s pretend we are in an alternate reality in which she was never born. Let’s…

Didn’t assault anyone. #sad

Simon Hedberg (see photo above; he plays the Jewish nerd with the stereotypical overbearing mother) turned out a lovely performance in “Florence Foster Jenkins.” He’s apparently a concert-level pianist in real life, and his skill was obvious in the film. Just a really good character acting piece..

Why would you feel guilty?  Own that shit, man.  Like what you like. 

Don’t stan for Cheryl Hines. The whole mess with her anti-vaxxer husband and his late wife was disgusting.

Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and their supporters are the ones who didn’t vote for The Confessed Sexual Predator. It was Trumpeteers, Berners and Jill Steiners who are responsible. Plus the huge number of people who thought this was about popularity and decided they weren’t excited enough to get off their asses and…

Mark Burnett is the guy sitting on the trump n-word tape and deserves whatever punches he got

She and her husband aided and abetted Trump’s rise to the presidency. They’re fuckwits and should never be referred to as America’s sweetheart.

“Oh no! My ripped P!nk shirt!”

It’s 2018, maybe they didn’t use his sperm? Still, 70 and parenting an infant?! I’m 39 and totally worn out.

Oh, tweets and insta hasn’t worked for me on jez for about 6 mo now.

Misses B and Minaj are zero class personified.

Privileged NYC “writers” overcompensating by showing how “ratchet” they are since they’ve since they’ve transplanted from god knows where.

“Why do you care?” is a weird question to ask about anything in a gossip column, I agree. I would even say it’s disingenuous to ask “Why do you care how Ariana Grande has reacted to this?” because she is super-famous and the only reason many people know Mac Miller.

Kinja cuts off the right side of instagrams when I read Jezebel on my phone. Does anyone else have that problem or is it my phone?

“In the why-do-you-care and what’s-your-problem department”

I hope Ariana has a lot of really supportive people in her life because these last couple of weeks have been awful. 

Why the fuck does this website worship Cardi B constantly? I truly don’t get it.

Jared has this covered. I mean look how well he’s solved the opioids crisis AND the Middle East. He’s got this.