In Australia we occasionally just yell “SIT DOWN BOB!” at ex-politicians or political operatives who won’t shut up.

Probably not Pantene. It would take way more than three minutes to miraculously fix whatever ails her grey matter.

Every time I log in at work I get a notice that I have NO expectation of privacy.

I see they’ve reanimated Conway to battle Omarosa.

So the Nazis are getting a police escort? Birds of a feather...

This is one of the most aggressively 90s trio of music videos I’ve ever seen.

I seriously hope you don’t get killed or maimed. I know many of the writers skew my age, but how many of y’all truly get the title reference?

You sound like a decent person.

If you see the janitor or know when he or she is about, just ask them. As a janitor for a HBCU, I would cheerfully load up any students or frankly anyone who would ask for TP,PT,feminine product disposal bags, etc to a point, because why not?

As much as I hate Kim and Kanye, I’m glad they’re married to each other instead of making two normal people miserable.

I have a soft spot for women who put up with bad men. Oh, she must be so kind, so patient! But then there's enabling, and Kim, it feels like you're sliding across a line here.

so Kanye said he will fuck all Kardashian sisters while being porn director?? well that’s MAGA.

The NFL players should file a lawsuit against Trump. It is illegal for the President to attempt to influence employment decisions by a private entity. Trump is in violation of 18 US Code 227.

Also acceptable: “Ovarylords”

what, just because she agrees with prominent white supremacists and repeats their talking points and makes the same gestures they do doesn’t mean she *is* one! It’s like they say, ‘if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s probably just a massive coincidence so please don’t worry about your corn...’

This whole Space Force thing is getting out of hand. Check out Donald, Kellyanne, and Jeff in their new uni’s...

Grocery charity is both the saddest (because why should it be necessary) and most awesome (because most liberating) charity in the world. I was once at T&T market in Vancouver, and short like 90 cents on my bill at the store, and I was desperate for the food, and without another word the bagger leaned over and scanned…

I’ve never sprung for an entire grocery order, but I like to buy a grocery store gift card and leave it with the cashier to give to the next person in line. One cashier really gets into it and waits until she spots someone she thinks could use a happy little surprise, or looks like they need the help, or whatever. She…

Somewhere, likely a large, child-free mansion, Jennifer Aniston is slathered in Aveeno and laughing her ass off.

The judge (in my head) has decided that Billy Bob Thornton and Jennifer Aniston will take on full custody of the children until Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt realize they have enough money to go around for all of us.