Carol is the only person who will be able to get Sam to come downstairs. Although, personally, I think he’s just waiting for that terrible bowl haircut to grow out.

I’m also surprised this woman enrolled her kids in musical theater and was surprised that there were gay people around. Is she new?

I love how they have both “Young People’s” and “Teen” in the name. JUST SO YOU KNOW that it’s for teenagers. Now all I need is a daycare named

Text message: the new Post-It?

lead paint factory explosion Donald Trump

the yip yip martians are everything

dishrag that on closer inspection is alive with maggots

It’s weird how our leading voice in medicine seems uneducated in this area.

The life of an SVU writer must be awesome, just sitting there waiting for shit to go down.

we’re playing a long game here in these streets

Decomposing pumpkin pie inhabited by vicious albino squirrels

I agree with you entirely apart from the ‘a contender for’ part.

Now this should have been a contender for People’s Sexiest Man Alive

Norman Reedus is my best friend. Well, really good friend. He said hello to me and put his arm around my waist. Behind my back really. I’m sure he’d say hello to me again if I ever ran into him. And, you know, paid another $40 to have my picture taken with him at Con. BFFs for-eva!

I had a thing for Danger Mouse when I was a kid.

And Matt Lauer

If only Sean Penn was there too, we’d get the Holy Trinity of Douchery

Jesus. Both Charlie Sheen and Justin Bieber on Today? That’s the douchebag motherlode. The douchebag hoard of Smaug. The douchebag event horizon. The douchebag Gotterdammerung.

I’m generally a worrier, but one of my worst hangups is knowing that sometimes, life is all about chance. The control freak in me can’t stand that.