I’m assuming every essay you wrote in school started with “According to Webster’s Dictionary...”

Most people won’t “bite your head off” for using the wrong pronoun. They’ll correct you, and usually quite politely.

People will make up the most transparent, ridiculous excuses to defend their prejudices. People will dogpile an insufficiently thin woman for dressing the way she wants, and if you ask why, you’ll get a bunch of stories about “her health.” Yeah? You describe a woman as looking “disgusting” and “ridiculous” because of…

But if you can’t please your woman, you ain’t a man... this shit is a mess.

Because I’m a nerd, I tend to get all wound up in “Can we call her one of the GOATs without any qualifiers?” because she can’t beat men. Then I realize that’s a pretty useless distinction. She’s been so dominant for so long. Excellent in all facets of the game. Definitely one of the best to ever do it.

The problem is that everyone on that football field is so much faster than me. Anything that’s run to the outside means that I’m getting caught from behind by the off-side DE or LB. I’d say that the best case scenario, on a perfectly blocked sweep is about 3 yards and a ruptured spleen.

They’re going cuckoo for Coco Gauff!

For me, it’s the NBA. But I’m 6'8", 320, so I could go in the paint and not die. I have a non-zero chance of getting a rebound or getting a shot up. Most players would have to leave their feet to block me - calling it “jumping” is too strong, but if I jump and they don’t, I can get the shot over them.

Came here for the Browns jokes

They say the source of the problem is environmental, but I’m pretty sure it’s in their jeans.

Rewrite from, “I don’t know who the CEO of Racism is...”

It’s like clockwork - a woman considers doing something, and the concern trolls pop up out of nowhere. “I think she’s great, but...”

Don’t all critics find the people they dislike off-putting? That feels like the axis of most critic/subject relationships.

Why is Page Six surprised that Jennifer Garner did not celebrate Ben Affleck’s birthday?

There are so many questions I’d have for REVOLT.

I’m irrational when it comes to parental alienation, so I need to sit this one out. Possibly on IR for 6-9 months.

He looks like an Irish Adam Carolla.

“Making good decisions” and “being an intelligent person” are not the same thing. Lots of intelligent people make bad decisions. Gronk’s charm is that he is genuinely that simple.

Looks like Alberta has been expanding recently.

“Triggered” is joining that subset of formerly useful words that don’t mean what they used to mean anymore. Like “friend zone” and “literally”.