What the hell is a yoga butt? It’s like pancake flat, right?

Ever had a fried kale salad with candied bacon, pickled green tomatoes, and a buttermilk dressing? Kale doesn’t have to suck.

I’ve totally been considering copying Scarlett Johansson. I’m afraid my face isn’t delicate enough for it though.

Delta included a $400 RT ticket to Berlin in their November sale. We’ll all be there this spring.

Yellowstone, before they drill for whatever.

I haven’t seen it in at least 10 years, but did not realize how bad it was until now. So yes, very dense apparently.

I’m waiting on the prairie style Laura Ashley dresses to come back in the US. It’s already a thing in Japan.

As a former divorce attorney, you can usually spot a false accusation from 100 yards away. Oh, we’ve been mediating your child custody for 2 hours and now you mention that he’s a meth addict?

I have a two car garage, but it was built so small you can barely get a mid-sized 4 door sedan in and even if the car does fit, you can only open the doors on one side.

When my husband did the whole ask for permission thing, my mother asked if he was sure and called me a brat.

Please send mounties (they do all look like the guy from Due South, right?).

Even Atlanta has an abandoned tennis stadium. Though it is shit that some people consider other Atlanta Olympic venues as failures because their other use has now also abandoned them (Turner Field, Georgia Dome, the old Atlanta-Fulton County Stadium, etc.).

Did Georgia ever get theirs from the tornado outbreak?

No post involving Tituss Burgess is complete without this gem:

I use it because I know how much it annoys a certain type of person. Like how I would use fuck every other word around the preachy person who told me women shouldn’t curse.

Finally, something I am moderately qualified for.

There’s an elderly couple in South Alabama that has been using my SSN for almost 30 years. They don’t seem to have ever tried to use it for credit purposes, so I don’t really care all that much.

I believe Coca-Cola as well.

George Wallace actually tried to redeem himself late in life. The last time he was elected he received over 90% of the black vote.

Wouldn’t have fucking mattered anyway. His mother was American, so he is also American.