Aww, hugs. This was my brother. He spent his entire life thinking he was profoundly stupid just because he was merely very bright instead of being a genius polymath like everyone else. And yet he was probably the most socially well-adjusted person in our entire extended family, so.

At the symphony in the Very Rich Lady circle. Have you ever seen a fat lady in a ball gown weep giant shuddering rhinoceros tears for 77 minutes straight? Pretty and not at all terrifying to a crowd of tiny bird-boned patronesses who haven’t shown emotion since poor Jack Astor died in that awful boating accident.

As a journalist I’m telling myself that the choice of the word attacked rather than killed means the dog survived, but I think that’s pretty wishful thinking.

I’m guessing the “tan” daughter was up for the role of Little Inez in Hairspray.

I think this play would go down well at the Elderly Racist Community Theatre in my neighborhood. This is the second production of Driving Miss Daisy they’re doing with an all-white cast.

I would also watch that Batman. BTW, “reboot” is a new word for gay porn, right? Asking for a friend.

OMG, you poor thing. Mexican food in Germany as envisioned by a Brit. Are you okay now? Do you need to talk about? I don’t want you to blame yourself, sometimes bad things happen and no one knows why.

Well, they wrote the will in 1998 and died in 2010, so you’d think they’d have updated it, but nope! That’s why I update my will every year.

Not yet but the night’s young!

Truth. My grandparents died a week apart and left a shitstorm of a will. As I read it, I saw they’d evenly distributed a percentage of their estate representing a couple million dollars among the small handful of grandkids, establishing trust funds we would inherit when we turned 35. Very generous and very fair.

I haven’t seen anything like that since 1998’s sorority haze week. Yikes.

Here’s the thing. I live in Mexico, in pretty much the most culinarily wanked-over part of the world right now. Our street food is so good the little lady who does our tostadas is hailed as “the best food cart in the world” by hipster chefs the world over (especially Bourdain) and she’s not even the best one in town.…

Right, she had jazz phrasing, not r&b or pop phrasing. Taking jazz phrasing and putting it into a different genre is one of the things that made her exciting.

I cannot hang with more than the teensiest amounts of caffiene but I love coffee and you need ultra high-quality coffee beans harvested by moonlight and roasted using nothing but the friction between the plump thighs of comely Colombian maidens to make a cup of decaf taste like anything but giving a rimjob to a…

I’m interested in this because I’m curious about how you work out things like power of attorney and medical stuff. Is there some legal framework in place that protects the both of you should something (God forbid) catastrophic happen? The fella and I aren’t married but the country we live in isn’t as strict about…

I love how she’s like “they did literally nothing” when I promise you there is a damn talented photo editor who went over every pixel of that shot with the proverbial fine-toothed comb. My fella is a photographer and I cannot tell you how many clients are like “see I told you I didn’t need any of that Photoshop…

As a journalist, all I can say is that I wish I’d written this piece. Very well done, thank you.

SO DO YOU

Fun fact: Maureen O’Hara was so furious with John Wayne that she actually broke her wrist when she slapped him. She hauled off to smack him and he blocked it and the bone just snapped (from the Larry King interview)

Christian Dior himself was obsessed with flowers and gardening, so much so that flowers, especially in abundance, is a calling card of Dior. Even the New Look silhouette —that revolutionary 1947 collection— is called Corolle and was based in the idea of a “flower-woman” with skirts blossoming around her like petals.…