But her uncle says her pigtails are sexy!

Pfft, Lindisfarne Gospels or GTFO.

I’m glad your father was a good parent about it. Ugh. Where I live the idea of tampons (aka Godless American Whoreplugs) is roughly as horrifying as making enchiladas out of puppies and small children so after one humiliating and unsuccessful attempt at buying them in a store, I order the industrial sorority-sized…

It’s a beautiful time to be alive!

I just realized Uncle Phil and I have the same bathrobe. This somehow validates every decision I’ve ever made in my life.

My dad did, too. While we were camping. Thanks, pop. Enjoy your cardboard box nursing home.

Runner shits AND nipple burns. Because fuck running is why.

But men poop, so it’s not shameful.

Yeah, I mean it’s bad enough with chub rub, so chub rub plus chum rub? Hard pass, thx.

Right? Polyagamy isn’t right for my relationship, which is fine. If it’s right for someone else’s? Fantastic. Let a thousand horny flowers bloom. Just cool it with the patronizing “nilla” talk.

It was. And apparently the person responsible for the mistake had to personally call and apologize to every.single.person. who called in to complain. Considering it was a major North American daily in a large city, that’s a lot of dialing.

Oh look at her, what a good girl. She sounds like a once in a lifetime dog, and bionic to boot. I’m so sorry.

My real time response as someone who hasn’t lived in the states in a while and only follows world football and Six Nations rugby:

Similar but not the same. I moved to Tijuana a few years ago and everyone was falling overthemselves with ghoulish glee to tell me the many exciting ways I’d get murdered. Meanwhile, in my hometown a dude got murdered on the actual street where I lived. But that town was still safe (read: white and English-speaking)…

IT KNOWS WHAT IT DID

A business in LA pumping out nominally different but inherently identical products that are shiny on the outside, ultra-processed and with practically no redeeming values other than shallow, temporary gratification followed immediately by nausea and possible self loathing with bonus points for the “exotic” veneer…

She’s trying to find out!

It also REALLY messes up graduations and derby day.

I am genuinely concerned about Norwich, not because of any real attachment to them (Wolves is my Bad News Bears team of choice), but I worry about Stephen Fry’s emotional state more than I probably should and if they get relegated again I’m not sure how well he’ll take it.

Do we have the same friend? I had to stop going out to eat with her when I’d visit because I couldn’t handle the embarrassment of going out to eat in one of the most exciting food cities in the world and her ordering nothing but chicken fingers with ranch or unadored well-done hamburgers. When she came to visit me in…