Ugh, no one needs sex badly enough to risk that. This is why we have hands, people! Or, you know, fleshlights.

I constantly get asked if there’s a chance I might be pregnant. My standard response is laughter, followed by a joke about a new star or three wise men.

Oh gods I have a bad hip and I actually screamed. That is horrible.

Jesus shitposting christ, that husband was a piece of work! My GYN was was VERY firm with MrBrook and I about when we could have sex after the hysterectomy - to the point of treating us like idiots. I get why he did it, but still... Annoying.

I had a really badly infected tooth that had get extracted. After it was done, I asked if I needed antibiotics, and the dentist was ‘Oh, no, most of the infection was right on the tooth, would you like to see?’ I don’t think I have ever said no faster in my life.

I had three of the damn things, and they are violating as fuck. The only time I felt like I had the choice (the others were during ER visits), I opted for the less invasive option.

I never thought I’d be grateful for a condition that almost gave me uterine cancer, but here I am. Thanking all the gods for endometrial hyperplasia and the hysterectomy it required.

After I dropped a table on my big toe, the doc told me it was a hematoma and “If it doesn’t start draining on its own, we’ll have to drill it.” Thank all the gods for the favor...

I live in a very, very blue state, and I would hesitate to put a Clinton sticker on my car. Fuckface von Clownstick has some terrifying followers.

My sister lives four hours away, and I have dropped everything to get my mom there when sis needed her. It’s been said, but what he did is not okay. I’m glad your sister is doing well, and hope some sleep will help you figure things out.

On the way from college (Missouri) to home (west Michigan), after WAY TOO MUCH TIME waiting for the fucking Grand Haven Drawbridge to let us through (seriously, it was ass o’clock in the morning, and it took over an hour to get the bridge down with no traffic on the river), my mom and I really had to pee. So we pulled…

My nephew went through a period where he wasn’t really comfortable using the toilet and would poop in the yard with the dogs. Thankfully he grew out of this well before kindergarten...

Jesus, this lady makes my horrible mother in law look strictly amateur! My maternal grandma, on the other hand, would have given her a run for her money. (for reference, that grandma turned her nose up at a gift my mom saved her tip money to buy, gave my mom a toilet seat for Christmas, spent thirty years relentlessly…

At least he had the decency to plead guilty and save her mom the torment of a trial. It would have been better if he’d acquired the decency BEFORE he beat his child to death. What a horrific waste of oxygen and space.

The best bits of The Carol Burnett Show were the ones where they just couldn’t control their own laughter.

You and me both!

Arcanum AND Gabriel Knight? I guess I know what I'll be buying next week...

Every time I think she’s hit the bottom of the barrel, she finds a way to dig deeper. By now she’s got a fucking catacomb under the barrel. What a disgusting person.

Jesus, this poor girl. I hope she’s found whatever peace awaits, because it sounds like her life here was pretty shit.

She was, as my grandma would say, a tough dame.