No shit, right? I have some LEDs on the mantel, a lighted swag on the hall tree, and I bought some ornaments, a tree skirt, and a lighted angel for the artificial tree that is taking Target (inexplicably) two weeks to get to me.

Huh. I went to a fetish ball on Saturday and realized about halfway into it that the drinks were way stronger than they were at the previous ball, and wound up getting shitfaced.

This is one of the best hyperbolic descriptors of off-sizing I have seen in a very, very long time. It might be post-workout endorphins talking, but I...I think I love you.

/looks down/

I just want to call them and say TAKE ALL MY MONEY, I’LL BUY EVERYTHING IN MY SIZE KTHX OH AND MAKE THAT OVERNIGHT SHIPPING

Your poop stories pick up where Colin refuses to tread, Mark. For this, we salute you.

I am going to say it for the rest of my life!

OMG, I said it elsewhere but...god dammit, Grandma.

I...god dammit, Grandma.

MisterDisco loves mayonnaise. I call it bull semen (out of earshot of the kids, most of the time)

Jello GUMMY BEARS?

When you do Jello shots, do you burp vodka?

Added to mine!

RANCH DRESSING IN THE FUCKING ICED TEA COLIN.

THE MOUTH PART OF YOUR FACE, COLIN

The planning required for that is terrifying.

As if suddenly they become fair game for anyone once they’re legal.

How many anecdotes do you need before you see them as facts?

Remember, they’re all just anecdotes unless they’re anecdotes supporting their side. Then it’s data.