I am a fat gay man married off to a guy who pretty much looks the way he did 1/3 of a century ago, when I first met him. I was thin and muscular then too. He maintains a regular gym regimen (to the point where, when Emperor Cuomo shut down the gyms, we installed our own). I, on the other hand, had my metabolism…

For a few glorious seconds I thought you were married to Mr. T from A-Team. I had questions.

McDonalds? Sounds more like...

“So which lounge am I in? Gucci? Mercedes?”

Well, I ate a whole fried chicken last Friday night and the ensuing schmaltzy fever dream included Jesus (more like “Buddy Christ”) telling me that Melania would be separated by July 4th and the divorce would be final by the end of the year... and it makes sense because I don’t even believe in Jesus here the guy took…

While we’re on the subject of failures, why don’t you eat some avocado toast or something that Millennials supposedly do instead of buying houses and diamonds? Are you really mad that instead of fixing the world up the way you want it to be, we spent our youth getting fucked up and piercing ourselves in strange…

When I lived in San Francisco, an old lady carrying a pair of live chickens attempted to get on the 30 Stockton bus. That is, she did get on, but the driver tried to get her to get off, saying, “Lady, you can’t get on this bus with those birds!”

Agreed, the only caveat being using the word “stupid” (no, I don’t have a better word). I think the majority of folks (just barely) disagree strongly with her opinions and perspectives, but she’s clearly not the first person to hold those abhorrent ideas. But besides simply labeling her as ignorant and applauding…

Your father was Ted Dibiase? 

Are we sure the woman who was trampled wasn't just a Damn Yankees fan?

I wish I had the technical ability to put Trump’s face over Steve Martin’s! But I don’t, so rev up your imagination and believe this is what we’ll see on Jan. 19.

Sorry, god’s breath can’t get past your intubation setup. 

Try not to think too hard about Stormtroopers. If you do, and remember that Lucas is on record saying they’re all draftees (vs. the Clone Troopers which were bred from the start to be ruthless murder machines), you’d realize that the Rebellion was likely mowing down tens of thousands of essentially slaves who didn’t…

They want to be able to call the election for Trump early in the evening. That puts the wheels in motion. If they can get FOX and some other media to call it, they can essentially claim it as fact. This may discourage people in the western time zones from voting once they hear that (why wait in line when my vote…

Muffins are just cupcakes for people that don’t want to admit they eat cupcakes for breakfast.

So now you know the difference between control issues and heroism is 16 tacos. 

I see so this man eats 41 tacos and becomes a hero but, I eat 25 tacos and I’ve got a control issue.

Well, for his sake, let’s just hope he has a competent chemistry lab partner if/when he gets to college.

What’s In the Bucket?