pretty sure this is the donald...

Aw, crazy Lilo is back! I’ve missed her.

Hey, he’s still a treasure! He’s just... getting treasured somewhere else.

We get it you like Blake but you don’t have to go full Mossy Oak.

That could be true... I haven’t seen the new episodes because I’ve watched this show almost exclusively through the reruns on TBS, when I’m puttering around and want some noise in the background.

The worst part of the shelf elf? If I see one more picture of where the parent-posters on FB put their goddamn fuckin Elf I’m going to break into each of their homes and behead the goddamn thing.

I think my husband would cease to exist.

Bernie is basically america’s favorite hoody. A little worn out, totally worn in, too old to care about appearances, and an intrinsic statement on income inequality.

here’s my full application

HOT TAKE: I fucking hate anyone who has a “deep knowledge about the variety of strains” and they legitimately make me yearn for marijuana to be illegal forever because that’s how fucking insufferable they are.

While we’re all sad to see him go, we can take comffort in the fact that he can now make that sequel to Half Baked.

Stop science-ing on these pearl clutchers.

This is particularly funny because, even by the standards of the “chemicals are scary” crowd, there’s nothing terribly “artificial” about zinc oxide. Zinc is a mineral, it's mined out of the ground, either as metallic zinc or as a component of various ores. You heat it up until it vaporizes, and it reacts with oxygen…

That’s funny because I had a funeral for J.G. Wentworth, 877-Dead-Now

Who would have guessed that the girl we described, was just exactly what Ben’s penis prescribed? Now Jen Garner found her disgusting - she let her go! And now Ben’s on top of her thrusting - His rep says ‘no!’ She’s the lady in bed, next to Ben Affleck: the man of her dreeeeeeams.

Well.. obviously for them it’s dead. But until Chris Pratt and Anna Faris break up. Love is still (barely) alive to me!!!