Law & Order SVU is doing a pretty good job at being Law & Order: ESPN this season. Tomorrow, I believe they will tackle the Ray Rice scandal with Tyrese from Walking Dead playing fake Ray Rice.

I'm calling CPS because these children are definitely on psychotropic drugs.

Second story: definitely vampires.

KMart claims that special holiday hours are staffed by volunteers

His college probably only let's them drink Dasani.

Goddamn you CocaCola! Now my 3 diet coke a day habit is supporting slavery.

To me, the problem with creationism zealots is that they are trying to remove evolution theory from classrooms and replace it with creationism (which should be taught in church)

Glad to see ol' Maury Compson there joining in.

We have to get as loud as these crazy assholes. If we keep letting 30% of our population vote craziness into our legislature, we are going to end up with creationism in every textbook.

They are really hard to read. She might as well give up on the grades too, because they make no sense anymore.

On Gwyneth:

And how the fuck does she have millions of viewers?

It's like he went back in time and threw up all over the 90's and then brought the 90's back.

I didn't watch the video and thought at first he meant jaundice.

One of my favorite SNL sketches.

She's only afraid of syringes.

His head. What the fuck is on it?

Peck-ering?

Good luck. I haven't been a waitress in about 10 years. I have thought about going back as a second job for awhile to payoff some debt. I would have to say in my old age I am definitely to surly to go back to it. Plus, I would probably start smoking again.