Relatable? Bullshit.

I referred to Maria Bartiromo’s look as Pretty Woman cosplay, but I loved how over-the-top it was, it suits her.

We were watching Trump’s speech, and when he tried to make a joke about no one liking him anymore, my husband said “That was just straight-up bitterness there.” The whole thing was just so uncomfortable.

Full Frontal got an early draft of Hillary’s remarks.

Thanks for making this song forever relevant, Rudy.

Because it’s not a noun, it’s an adjective. Woman refers to a female human being, but female could refer to the female of any species.

They keep him locked in the basement with only Chris Christie for company.

I’m going to spend my evening practicing that hair swipe move in the mirror, I just know it.

The only bigger asshole than a cat is a ghost cat.

My dad has been gone more than a decade now, and from time to time he shows up in my dreams from time to time. I’ve never been good at remembering dreams so I don’t recall what we talked about or anything like that, but in one I remember being in my aunt’s kitchen, and my dad came in with my childhood dog. I was so…

Yeah, that kind of thing is way scarier to me than supernatural scary stories. See: “Look at Me.” (I got goosebumps now just typing the name of that damn story.)

Less than a year after my dad died, we got a phone call and the caller ID listed the number as our old house (we’d moved a couple months before he died). When my mom answered, there was no one there. She called back, thinking the new owners of the house had a question or found something of ours in the house or…

I’m in a solidly blue area in a solidly blue state, but I’m still nervous about crazies. I just moved, so I don’t know what it’s like at my precinct. As a white woman, I know I’m less likely to be the target of intimidation, but there are large minority and Muslim populations in my neighborhood, so I’m plan to stay…

The most surprising thing I learned from today’s Dirt Bag is that Donald Trump made a literary reference.

This is maybe a loose interpretation of the challenge, but it popped into my head as soon as I read the headline, so here goes.

They apparently met through their husbands, but I like to imagine they first bonded over a sloppy wine night sharing “embarrassing dad” stories.

Losing isn’t enough. It needs to be a landslide. We need to absolutely crush this piece of shit in a landslide and embarrass him.

I noticed my first white hairs right after my 27th birthday. It took five years before I took the plunge and started dyeing my hair, and that was only because I finally worked up the nerve to get blue streaks. I’ve since given up on that (my hair doesn’t seem to take well to bleaching and dyeing, and the beautiful…

I try to remember that, but it’s SO HARD, because I find yanking those white little bastards out of my scalp strangely soothing and satisfying.

I just crossed my legs together SO TIGHTLY.