Mother, May I Sing with Danger?

My partner used to not eat honey and I am such a evil bastard I would sometimes get bread WITH honey so he wouldn't eat it all. Then he breaks and eats honey one day, and got stung by a bee moments later. Bwahaha!

I will never understand why Jessica Simpson became the body issues punching bag for every tabloid in the world. She's a knockout and has pretty much always looked like a knockout, I can detect no real difference between her and all the other female celebrities that apparently aren't deserving of this degree of insane…

The secret to staying in a relationship for me is not having to spend every damn moment together. Some people function better as a couple when they have that kind of freedom.

Idina Menzel talked candidly about dating as a [choke, sob] single mom.

Tuchus being my favorite.

I'm with Roseanne. Best flavour? Stracciatella.

I know someone who thinks that Japanese and Korean people can speak to each other in their respective languages and just understand each other.

HNNNNNNNG OH GOD I LOVE THESE DEALS!!!

Bitch be trollin hard all night by the looks of it. The mommy blog she runs will suffer if she wastes much more time schooling Jezzies on how to be a perfect parent.

From my instagram

"Can you imagine telling someone who wants to just Instagram a photo, who's the number one person on Instagram, 'We need to work on the color of the flower wall,' or the idea that it's a Givenchy dress, and it's not about the name Givenchy, it's about the talent that is Riccardo Tisci — and how important Kim…

So let me just say this before I explode. My husband didn't ask to go to war for those pricks that we call a government. He didn't twiddle his thumbs while he was deployed. He helped give villages electricity and wells because it was the right thing to do and got shot at because he's American. He tried to save a…

No other meds at the moment. Except weed. :)

ME TOO! Bitches get stuff done.

74% High Alpha

Yeah I also got "yellow" and I've almost exclusively dated guys who have less formal education / occupational prestige / class mobility than me, and often who make less money. Some have been assholes but not because of anything related to that stuff, and all have made my vagina tingle. A lot.

The thing about "old women" is that you will be one. It's a fate avoidable only through death. And all the shitty stuff you've said or will say about middle-aged women will then be applicable to you—especially to you because you will have spent your youth convincing yourself that middle aged is "old." It will be a…

So are you the one who decides what counts as "young people's clothes," then? That's wonderful! Finally, we've found the person with authority.

The really great thing about being an "old woman" is I have money now, and I don't have to shop in H&M anymore.