I am not a tall man.

His followup post on Instagram certainly didn't help his suspension.

This is great.

You don't LISTEN TO Mike Francesa's radio show unless you are upset, and probably also otherwise damaged in some way.

Paul Bryant Jr.'s Wikipedia page already has a great edit:

The same thing happened when the University of Texas announced it was going to continue its football program.

I SAID JUST GO WITH IT

There was this one random guy on the internet who decided that he had a juvi record including second degree murder that was sealed away. Except, you know, he didn't. They proved that.

Holy hell, look at these fucking replies to you. The racists are out in force tonight.

This is actually a violation of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which is pretty impressive.

The NFL is so evil it turned Ray Rice into a sympathetic figure. The only logical outcome of this is that he signs with New England so everyone can go back to hating him.

We wish this too.

I always assumed snow tires were for suckers. I made it through many Colorado winters driving a Geo Prism with bald-ass regular tires and never really had a problem.

Today, very much so

Barry spent a good chunk of yesterday tormenting us with seal rape GIFs in our staff chat room. It was awful.

Can we get an update on Drew's testicles?

Brown went on to be a principal as a college graduate.

this is some good kinja right here, boy

[two months from now]

If rape is about ANYTHING, it's about the male fear of having one's penis ripped off.