I’m an only child but the only reason I didn’t learn to share until college was because if you shared anything with my dad it would be GONE.

Yeah, but you can actually afford to go on family vacation if you only have one kid.

My observation as a sworn parent of an only child who’s been forced to endure twin nephews and various iterations of kid’s playdates?

Having just one kid seems like the perfect balance between experiencing parenthood and still having a life of your own. With one kid, adult hands and minds will always outnumber kid hands and minds, it’s not as expensive, and you only have to do the sleepless baby phase one time.

Fuuuuuuuuuuck you for this. Drool on my keyboard makes the IT people pissy.

As long as they are monstrous and terrifying and give me panic attacks (I have realized I have a serious phobia of large bugs, including roaches and centipedes) I can’t abide them. Even if they do good things.

How dare you bring house centipedes into this conversation! NOTHING IS WORSE THAN A HOUSE CENTIPEDE.

Ted?

Shit happens when you forget to call.

I hate his mouthguard hanging out of his mouth. Someone please explain to me why I hate this.

That’s why I occasionally drive by and throw trash in the yard of the guy who works the night-shift at my corner gas station. “Fuck you, Roger! Why my gas and smokes still so spendy?”

I read this as “Mammogramed Thermos” and got very confused...

I am 5’5.5. Kit’s eyes are flush with mine although he is leaning slightly. I’d say 5’6 and not a half-inch taller. (P.S. He is a genuine and lovely fellow. Also, he smells really good.)

It’s not. It’s a parody account.

I feel the same way about Stannis’ plot....JUST started to care....MAYBE this magic fire death thing is going somewhere interesting...NOPE

Nah, its cool, since magical gremlins pick up your trash there.

But the problem is: If you’re that much of an asshole, you’re not going to be self aware enough to know you’re the giant flaming mega-douche that you actually are. You think you’re awesome, and the world around you is filled with sniveling peons.

throbbing pikestaff

Fuck the Dos Equis guy. This is the most interesting man in the world.

I think “processed” has become quite unfairly a dirty word. It’s thrown about entirely too casually, generally meant to be synonymous with some kind of modern fake food, and yet most of what our ancestors ate was absolutely processed. And processing makes it more practical to get by on less meat. That’s pretty much…