Your tombstone?

White people are offended by things I say all the time, apparently. Doesn't give me any reason to stop.

I keep telling you guys, that's going on my tombstone.

I live 2 blocks from "Bane and Babels". I'm assuming your urinal-shitters are the OG of the same bros who scream obscenities at each other outside my window at 3 am Friday morning. I am so, so sorry.

I ran into one that didn't post menus, up in Doylestown PA, as a poor recent graduate. A friend and I were scoping for places to eat and saw one that looked ok, people dressed casual. We got water and the menu came out - $60 entrees and $20 appetizers.

I apologized profusely to the waitress (who couldn't have been…

I waitressed a lot. And shit happened. But I'm telling y'all what: The person who bounced a roasted chicken off my chest would have needed a transfusion. That shit right there woulda made the papers.

Yeah, this was even pretty common at the fairly nice downtown restaurant that I worked at. One time we had some customer who liked to leave her used tampons on top of the toilet paper dispenser too. Luckily the management was really good about cleaning that nastiness up themselves, the GM said "Y'all don't get paid…

In college I went out with friends once and refused to get up from the table until they left a reasonable tip (they were my sorority sisters from a small multicultural Jewish sorority...). They claimed bubbie saaid you could tip 10% before tax (and this was after her being one of those shitty picky diners who complain…

It seems appropriate to bring this back:

So you're saying that ALL women are available to the "highest bidder". Good to know.

This post from The Sneeze is the greatest thing about natto ever.

The difference in reaction between men and women when being put in the "Friend Zone" is the same thing that happens when men and women have a fight. The woman says "what's wrong with me? I must be crazy." And the guy says "what's wrong with her? She must be crazy."

bad.boys.finish.first....I bet he does after 30 seconds...followed by 30 minutes of sobbing

You're right; attraction is about more than looks. Which is exactly why "attractive" men that catcall are still creepy as fuck.

Dude here, and full disclosure, I used the term friendzone to describe my situation with a girl once... in grade 10. That didn't work out, I moved on, and GREW THE FUCK UP. Friendzoning gets to be a thing when you are awkward and young and trying to navigate the tricky period where girls you've known since…

Men of all statuses resort to catcalling. You're delusional if you think otherwise.

I sort of feel like this guy thinks that he's Christian from "Nip/Tuck".

Agree. I just don't like it when people comment on my appearance whatsoever. Even if it's a compliment. Men blatantly ogling also makes me feel like they're licking me with their eyes. The worst is men who are out with their wives and children and practically break their necks staring at young girls walking past.…

Woman: That thing I don't want you doing, yeah stop doing that

Sexual harassment is not subjective. If the most attractive guy I've ever seen catcalled me on the street, that would turn me off big time because what that tells me is that he's a misogynistic douchefuck who's most likely selfish in bed. I'll pass.