Self-published memoirs! Bahaha.

Literally cry-laughed over "He's since self-published his memoirs..." That doesn't even SOUND REAL! I think you might have been dating a Portlandia sketch...

THIS! My brother's father rated the strip club in his town on FB. 5 stars.

I did that too and the results were glorious. The best was her amateur modeling pictures.

Girl, you need to elaborate on this story.

I've since informed my father of this, but for a long time, he was unaware that people see what he likes/comments on in their Facebook mini feed. I have, on several occasions, seen him comment on pictures of nearly naked women. In one memorable instance, he was chatting with the OP of a picture, talking about needing…

Boobs-no-shirt is going to be my new screen name when I get banned again.

Wow! I can't believe I won the pissing contest. I don't even have a Shenis!

My former household employee has a child. A child that looks exactly like my child.

Thanks. I can't believe I actually won a pissing contest. :)

I remember having to sit my little brother down (he's 14 years younger than me, so he was about 10 or 11 and I was in my mid-20s) that he should really learn how to clear his search history because I was pretty sure that he, not my father or older brother, was responsible for about 30 google searches for "boobs"…

That was a great Tupac story :)

Lick it clean, then Windex to remove streaks.

"Would we keep our friends if we tattled on them?" So we want to keep the bully?

"If you think I'm ugly, you should see my sister!"

aaaand every cholo has been getting this haircut since the 1989 Loma prieta earthquake, maybe before, but damn it ain't a trend until a pretty white person takes it! #minorityhumor

I've been calling it the "hipster high & tight" simply because I didn't want to call it "hitler youth." It has served me well.

Dr. Delilah MD?

When you can't stop moving your mouth and jaw because you've done so much cocaine. Some people grind. Some people chew. Some people clench.

Counter-point: Bananas, Pineapples and Cherries is also the strict diet that Pac-Man was on and dude is round as fuck.