He always looks like he's got an itchy bird. Reminds me of a kid I used to babysit who always had his hand down his pants. Unsavory.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, but your story made me laugh so hard I cried. My favorite one so far for sure!

I wonder if he has a google alert set up for his name. I can only imagine the type of stuff he'd see written about him.

OH LORD! I hope he never prepared raw meat or anything.

A flat sheet and an empty duvet cover are just the right summer weight without being too warm, I find.

What... how did he wash dishes?

Do you also hook your toes over the bottom of the mattress and your fingers over the top of it?

"Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of bacon and eggs." What I said was, "Give me all the bacon and eggs you have". Do you understand?"

Cool, thanks! I went to a couple local metal shows years ago but was more hanging out at the back of the crowd.

Can I come too? I have wine!

I'm guessing "starting the lawnmower" is a quick elbow. What's "picking up change"?

Vom!

That sounds like a nightmarish scene from a movie!

Berrypicker as fuck.

Reading this article made me feel like I need another shower. No way am I reading the full thing.

If his invisible sky god didn't want him lusting over and paying those women, his invisible sky god wouldn't have brought the needy harlots into his life! Footprints, carrying, etc etc

Don't forget to pout! That's his weakness.

All I can imagine is how badly I would sweat through that dress.

I immediately thought the same thing! "Oh, just drinking out of Kim K's buttcup." "EXSQUEEZE ME?"

I was expecting drugs to be the twist!