Oh man, this is a way better punchline to the knock knock joke I made up a few weeks ago.

You’re right. I remember the bombing happening, but forgot that she was present. Chalk it up to too many tragedies in the news cycle to remember the details. Something like that would certainly do it. I still wouldn’t write every regrettable thing she does off with “she has PTSD,” but I can certainly understand where…

can’t wait to see all the replies that prioritize a tiger over human life

Nah, we’re aware that Obama had some deep flaws. I loved Obama and I think he was a pretty damn good president, especially in context with other presidents, but he had some major fuck ups.

Until the video of Richard Spencer getting socked in the face, one of my favorite videos was of that big bad militia man occupying a bird sanctuary crying because people kept mailing them sex toys.

I am sick of this bullshit. I am a “real American” from the midwest. Family of Irish railroad workers. Put myself through engineering and law school. Was in NYC (and still here) during 9/11.  Never hunted or owned a gun.  Why are “real Americans” only considered to be farmers, coal miners, gun owners, factory workers,…

Fuck it, why take half measures?

“22 is not a child! Stop infantilizing her! Let adult women make decision” Is screamed every time this comes up.

I get why they canceled, but I wish they had’t. That’s what these assholes wanted. Was to shut down talks to scare us and to make our voices small enough they wont hear when we scream. The Show must go on! THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

Ever heard Bill Clinton talk? He’s pretty damn engaging. He has a whole bunch of shortcomings, but he’s an amazing communicator.

As a two-time Clinton voter, I think that this would be a perfect time for him to go build houses in Arkansas for people in need.

How I Met Your Mother, Grew Resentful, and Then Just Tired.

Chances are, she’s already on the way out. Cheerleaders are disposable.

I can’t wait to see all the videos of offended fans burning their erections and/or vowing never to look at cheerleaders again. 

she’s gotta have major PTSD

Megyn Kelly would also like everybody to know that she is vehemently opposed to Santa Claus wearing blackface.

Y’all are killing me, but the truth is, the head mold was a little misshapen when I made him. It happens sometimes. You try mass-producing humans, and see if you come out of it 100% error-free.

It’s almost as if he’s some sort of genetically engineered wolf-man hybrid!

YES! For years I’ve said I could take all of him except the face and my friends are horrified but still I’ve persisted! There are dozens of us!

Thank you for finally speaking against Tatum, your stand has inspired in me the courage to say that he has a block head.