I once got a text message that said, “I want to fuck you so hard in your ass and then cum all over your tits,” from a number I didn’t know. I texted back, “Who is this?!” Turns out the person had texted the wrong number. Part of me was very relieved.

I hope you responded that you’re Jewish.

You speak the truth, my friend.

Oh good. I can get behind this. As long as we still support her oscar winning sister, Meryl.

How could we hate this person?!

“Not more than three years between each movie.”

He claims that because Russia went to the “north pole” with a submarine and planted a flag staking claim to the land there for energy exploration, he has the right to do that in north Africa.

Google. I had seen it previously so I just searched “pro-choice RBG”.

I’d like to see more Natalie Portman as rapper.

“Will have my way with you.....and leave you quivering.”

Is this not the worst song though? He’s literally describing every asshole high school/college boyfriend, right?

That is correct. My mistake. Even worse. It was a group decision.

“Reading that just made me inhale probably a pretty dangerous amount of solid food blow. - Charlie Sheen

To be fair, 3) is still one above 4) who are people that see a disaster or tragedy and try to take a selfie with it.

There are 2 types of people when disaster strikes 1 people who say “thank god I wasn’t there” 2 people who say “I wish I was there to help”

The way you said this sounds like you might know them. If you do, I would like to know you.

Maybe it’s a good thing he didn’t read his speech!

Me after reading the title of this article!

Please pray for my pickle loving soul!