Should've been you, Ben.

One slight error in the story. The location it happened, RM 2222 at the 5600 block of Mount Bonnell Road, is in west Austin, not east. That it happened there doesn’t surprise me. It’s a fun road to drive because of the turns on it but it’s also very dangerous because of the ups and down and turns. I HATE pulling out…

It’s almost like someone can suck ass as a human being and still be really really good at sports, and it’s OK to cover them from both of those angles.

The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout “GOOGLE ME!”... and I’ll look down and whisper “No.”

Fairytale of New York is the only Christmas song you need.

“Cleveland faces the Bills next Sunday” was the first draft of Hemingway’s famous six-word story.

I already got that.

MAKE THEM ALL WEAR ROLLERBLADES AND GIVE THEM LONG POLES WITH HOOKS ON THE END FOR SOME REASON!!

Knowing what’s cool and good: if it was easy, anyone could do it. Sorry, guy.

Ahhh, le mot juste!!

I’m 99% positive I know exactly what you look like and how you dress.

As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic bear. He was lying on his furry, as it were hirsute, back and when he lifted his head a little he could see his formerly bald belly now covered with brown hair on top of which the bed quilt could hardly keep in…

You remember over at Elway’s place?

This continues to be an awful story, and there’s no opportunity for a sandwich themed pun thread here, so here’s a gif of Rip Taylor instead:

That's your right and I support you.

+1 drank

They could whisk him into a Del Taco somewhere in West Phoenix and tell him the first Latino man he sees is el presidente de México and he wouldn’t know the difference.

To be fair, playing in these gives your opponent an immediate psychological edge.

Wtf does an untucked shirt have to do with the winning or losing of games?

I mean, it’s not even accurate. He probably doesn’t even own any minorities.