That’s the coolest fucking thing anyone has done with their hair, ever.

Ah, yes, F. Scott Fitzhemingway. I reread his classic Tender is the Bell That Tolls for the Last Tycoon every year. Or something something Zelda Fitzgerald was institutionalized. I really need to put more effort into these things.

There is no Chicago.

I don’t know. If you left James Spader in pickle brine for forty years then spray tanned him tangerine he’d look . . . Well bad, but not entirely dissimilar.

I particularly like the story where the Hamptons trust fund girl begs the townie “fuck me like a waiter!” “And so I did.” Never let your class rage get in the way of quality trim.

Loving the lit references lately. That’s some good Jay McInerney right there. Who says Americans don’t read anymore?

I’ve spent the last five hours trying to cobble together a graduate-level proposal paper on the influence of Flannery O’Connor’s fiction on Nick Cave. It is not going well. Fuck grad school.

Such elegant prose. I am reminded of Faulkner’s Sound and Fury.

I wish I could give you so, so many more stars for the Nick Cave reference.

Robin Givens appears to be trying to put Mike’s entire nose in her mouth a la SNL’s Mr. Peepers. Trump looks almost human rather than like an over-boiled Christmas ham slathered in orange food coloring. Is that Mariah “Bad Motherfucker” Stokes from Marvel’s Luke Cage on the left? I am deeply confused and upset by this…

My god, that hair tho.

Depends. Are you experiencing a lot of chafing? Be gentle with yourself.

Thank you for this. It’s 10:57 in the morning. I’m going to go drink now. Asshole.

With Boxcar Jimbo Tomsula sadly hitting that dusty trail, Bartolo Colon is now my very favorite thing in sports.

I don’t know who this man is or what his nationality might be, but that look is almost painfully British.

Affliction t-shirt, white Oakleys, non-ironic backwards cap of an incredibly shitty team. Cardinals? Something. Also, not sure where, but 100% there’s a Monster energy drink logo involved somehow. The Nietzsche reference threw me at first but then I realized he probably thinks Zarathustra is a metalcore band.

Literary. Nice.

I salute you, sir!

Just curious, what is the origin of the braying-ass-sports-media-person as celebrity? I can’t picture Whitlock, Simmons, Cowherd, Mariotti et al playing anything more physically demanding than t-ball. I’m pretty sure my five year old nephew could beat the shit out of Bob Costas. Why are these people famous? Every…

Someone needs to make that into a t-shirt. Immediately.