poor child.

I think he actually says, "Oh shit! I got it!"

I learned that from the Duggars. Hey, maybe he wants his own reality show! Working title: I Fought the Law and My Balls Won.

Internalized misogyny is a hell of a drug...

Take my money.

You're such an optimist. I listened to someone yesterday afternoon complain that their espresso didn't taste like it did when they got it in Rome. Their Tim Hortons, sixty-cents-a-shot, espresso, DIDN'T TASTE JUST LIKE IT DID IN ITALY.

And now Mariah is behind him.

You are so right, why not drink your beer at Revolution Brewery? In the play in my head Abe R.'s friends worry about how much he drinks, so he drinks before he meets them to lay down a base, thinking that way he won't shock them by outdrinking them. He outdrinks them two to one anyway. And they worry. Or Abe R's…

How is vomiting going to help me?! My life is so much worse now!

how do you ~decline~ to call the police

First, I like cake too, but you might reconsider pie if I provide you with two facts: you don't have to be hungry to eat pie; and you could eat blueberry pie without vanilla ice cream, but why would you?

If loving pie is wrong then I don't want to be right. PIE FO LIFE.

Hump is a terrible word for sex. Was the decorator of this cake a 12yr old?

We truly are The Capitol.

Nope. I used to be a starred commentator, now I don't make even to the grey's anymore. But I'm sure the trolls still will.

Well, that's just plain awful. As someone who was in the military, I can speak to the amount of damage all of this infidelity and drama do, and how much more prolific it is in the military compared to the civilian world.

Now that she got kicked out of the sorority she'll have a lot more free time. Does the Ferguson Police Department have a work study program?

You gotta have big balls to blame other people for your actions, too!

Takes a real fucking tough guy to beat the shit out of a girl and run away and hide.

I'm glad Michelle Rodriguez is on the scene in Ibiza. We need someone who can actually land a punch on Bieber this time.