Early on, Han Solo uses a lightsaber to cut open a Tauntaun...

Hey, it’s Enrico Putz-lazzo!

“This” is a weird spelling of Ivanka.

Of all people, you’re surprised that this guy abstains from being a swinger when he encounters another dude in an unfamiliar position?

Drink your drugs, don’t do sleep, eat all your school, stay in milk

After seeing the cookie, I think I would have been on to their scheme

Or spray painted as graffiti on his shell.

Putin: Mr President, here is an official World Cup football.
Trump: Football? Football? I’m not idiot, this isn’t a football. A football is a different shape, whaddaycallit? Crosswise? That must be it, because it’s in my mind and I’m really smart. The smartest. My Geography teacher told me I knew my shapes better than…

Die Hard is actually a depiction of Al Powell’s triumph over sexual dysfunction.

More like Forenight. Amirite. 

Last night I was in a 50v50 match and I start running pass a basketball court. I start hearing a ball and I notice there was a enemy in the court, taking shots like his not 5 miles deep into enemy territory. I watch him for a minute and proceed to shotgun his head off.

Booooo.

Looks like this cop got caught telling a Whopper.

Cards Against Humanity: The Movie

It’s rumored Maria’s writing her character to be the ante hero.

And if that Big Baby don’t sing.

Legal advice:

I think it’s high time we get a movie with the historically more accurate British usurpers speaking Mongrel Latin, flecked with Gothic.

...except, you know, getting the ball above the rim and letting gravity bring it through the net

It can be helpful to remember that while the odds of any one specific very statistically improbable thing happening are ... very improbable ... the odds of something statistically improbable happening are pretty good.