THIS MOVIE IS LIKE WATCHING YOUR OWN DICK GET SLOW-ROASTED OVER A SPIT WHILE READING CORMAC McCARTHY. FINALLY THE DAD in 'THE ROAD' DIES AND YOU ARE LEFT WEEPING ALONE. SOMEONE OFFERS YOU A BITE OF SAUSAGE.

THIS MOVIE IS LIKE A WOMEN'S STUDIES COURSE, TAUGHT BY 'MACHO MAN' RANDY SAVAGE.

Don't tell Laura!

Kang agrees, he is approximately as endearing as Groot.

Kang is a Conqueror. Talking in third person and ALL CAPS are traditional perks.

HER NAME IS SUSYN!

Also, Asa Butterfield turns out to be the best Spider-Man of all possible timelines, but the sequel to his first film is a disappointment!

How dare you???

Agreed. Tobey wasn't exactly a dog-face, but he nailed the lovable loser aspect of Pete. Garfield was too roguishly charming.

Kang is a huge fan of Spider-Man (he's not really a threat, let's be honest). Encouraged that they're going with Spider-Man as the rookie teenage superhero to compliment the more mature Avengers (MEDDLERS!). Those Andrew Garfield movies really took the wind out of Kang's spider-sails, eager to see Marvel take the…

Kang absolutely loved the first one. Totally charming with just the right amount of misanthropic edge. Kang has done a complete biometric scan of Anna Kendrick and, as he suspected, she is 97% full of win.

Fan? Pretty sure he's the coach!

I think you may be lost. Are you looking for the Age of Ultron thread? You'll have to go back to the main page and navigate from there.

A 'big budget version of Dark Star' would sort of defeat the charm of Dark Star, wouldn't it?

The WORST kind of Nazi!

Jupiter Ascending? More like Jupiturd…something something-ending.

Why are you reacting this way? Kang's Butthurt Ray has the safety on! I checked!

The same guy who directed 'Wake in Fright' also directed 'Weekend at Bernie's'. Kang's mind is blown.

Kang's favorite part was Duck's confusion as to which direction he came from, right before Pete closed the door on him. Love Duck.

Also was Kang the only one who was tickled to see Barney Miller's Max Gail as the phonebook-wielding vet?