The next US weekly cover:

Leslie Jones can and should do a lot better than a smarmy douche like John Mayer. Also, she should be aware of John’s self proclaimed “David Duke Dick”.

I have no idea what vanderpump rules is but I did want to come here and say that Carol Burnett is a national treasure! Nay, an INTERNATIONAL TREASURE. (Take that you stupid Jerry Lewis.)

“I won an Emmy for playing a woman dying of leukemia on L.A. Law, starring Harry Hamlin and Susan Dey.”

Angelina and Jen: We’re in love. And having a baby.

Darth Wader

It will be the sexiest cameo in the history of SUV cameos.

Several years ago, I went to a Chippendale’s (or imitator? can’t remember anymore) show at a casino in Minnesota and paid $20 for the “extra experience”. This involved me sitting in a chair while a stripper who either had a horse cock grafted onto his OWN cock or did some masterful stuffing writhed on me and then took…

I went to one of these shows last year. The show was supposed to start at 8. We didn’t see a single dude until nearly 10:30. I’m pretty sure this was intentional, because it meant the crazy drunk women in the audience had nothing to do for hours except drink.. And drink. And drink more. By the time the show finally…

I know! I can’t believe Gawker didn’t get their hands on it first!

I really love the song “Philadelphia” and on YouTube they have Neil Young singing the song against that scene, with the friends and the relatives and the kids and the photos and the home movies. I’d love to meet a person who doesn’t burst into tears watching that. Actually I wouldn’t because that would mean they are a…

That’s true about the TV bit. I remember watching the OJ Chase and thinking, “Man, I just want to watch Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper."

How do you know you don’t like the texture? ... unless you HAVE tried pasta!

did they show this picture

Actually, the other ones are usually BA.

yeah I see why with Cindy Crawfords son, he looks just like her. Butt he Hadid kid? Why?

Air Seinfelds

Ken Starr’s world:

Oh, look, more evidence of Amber’s abuse people won’t admit as legit because they think Gone Girl is the most common scenario in society, instead of an entitled angry addict becoming violent towards a woman. Now it makes sense why she was carrying her laptop while leaving her lawyer’s office. Wonder who will get the…