Pooping time is for reading, not listening. Nobody’s out there grabbing their headphones and firing up Pandora on their way to take a dump.

And here I thought I’d have to wait until the game to see a statue repeatedly knocked over.

If you step outside in San Francisco, you are standing in pee.

Co-signed. He was probably the only ref who could coherently explain in detail the call they made. On a broadcast, he seems to have a Dee Reynolds gag reflex going on. Maybe put him on the field Siragusa-style as a placebo?

It’s funny. Back when Carey was a ref, I felt like he was one of the elites. He would make calls confidently and correctly. He sounds like a confused old man on the broadcast side. Maybe he just had a very good crew supporting him.

I already told you guys how I feel about the pepperoni football. I’m not gonna do the whole damn thing again

I’m going to an Indian wedding with my girlfriend in April and I already told her if there isn’t an elephant I’m leaving.

Its a fucking Sun Chip

His boob has all the milk you’d think you’d ever need, but it doesn’t come out when you really, really need it.

“The greatest joy and most love I’ve ever experienced”

“Wait, you can be praised for this?” - Eddie Lacy

Fantastic. Another reason for Kylo Ren to be upset. As if he needed another.

Don’t blame Microsoft. It’s not their fault the tablets are full of spyware.

Yeah I don’t think she’s into it, I’ll have to keep listening to the song.

“It’s gonna be a party in your ass tomorrow, and my cock’s the only one that’s invited”

BRB texting my wife.

Well, it should be no surprise considering all the wide-open uncontested looks they get. It’s not like they’ll draw a charge or anything.

For one thing, the cop’s shooting percentage would be sky-high.

unfortunately he came back to plant a murder weapon.