Literally the easiest thing about getting married was keeping my name because it required no work at all, and once I realized people were judging me for everything ANYWAY down to the table arrangements, I was far less likely to care about defending my choices. People make faces when they’re traditionally minded but…
I felt very strongly about keeping my name, for a variety of reasons, and my husband also wanted to keep his. Our names sound just straight-up dumb together, so hyphenating was not an option. It’s worked really well, and I mostly find it amusing when people send me mail as “Ms HisLastName.”
I didn’t change my last name when I was married, mostly because I am lazy (also, I had just graduated from university and was starting grad school, and I thought it would be weird to have different last names on my diplomas). A name is a name is a name.
This reminds me of when I got married. I did not take my husband’s last name. Why? Because my name, my first and last together, is bad ass, and his last name is just, meh.
“D) choosing a brand new name.”
I don’t plan to change my last name if/when I get married. Not because of any “family thing”. I just don’t want to and don’t feel like I should have to. I don’t expect him to change his name for me either. And since I don’t want to change my name to his last name, I definitely don’t feel like creating a new last name.…
To me the most difficult thing is that there is no easy solution. Nothing besides “take your husbands name” has become even marginally mainstream enough to not merit side eye and questions. Even as other traditional tropes go away as an overwhelming number of people disengage (sex before marriage! Living together…
I really relate to this. My husband and I thought about us both changing our last name to his middle name which is a last name. We told out parents. Mine were fine with it but his parents had a fit. You’d think we killed somebody or something. His mom actually called him crying saying it felt like he was disowning his…
Ugh, that is horrific. I’ve always hated the weird kind of sexual undercurrent at weddings... like everyone is somehow thinking at one point or another about how the newly weds are DEF GONNA BOONE after all this is done... wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Barf.
Elizabeth Smart talks a lot about this very thing.
It’s called oral sex for a reason.
It’s sad that she sees the response as people attacking her decision to wait. That’s your right, honey— wait, don’t wait, whatever. It’s the creepy need of all these men in your life to confirm your “purity”, like you’re a piece of meat, that everyone’s upset about.
I’ve read a lot of stories about women who waited to have sex until marriage and had a lot of difficulty getting rid of the “sex bad” mindset after they married. The mindset that sex is this bad evil thing that you’re not supposed to have will fuck you up royally.
Honey, if you can get an STD or an orgasm from it, sorry to break it to you but IT’S SEX. It’s sexual activity, you can get a disease from it. It’s sex. Only sex is P in V? Then how do gay people do it?
No, but he can belittle a woman and her family who are perpetuating a harmful, and in many cases DEADLY, stereotype that virginity has value - as well as devaluing women who cannot “prove their purity” whether they are virgins or not. She should be absolutely ashamed of herself.
Ewwww no. Do not want. If you want to remain a virgin until married, that’s your decision and more power to you. But only when it’s YOUR decision. Not some creepy ass agreement you made as a CHILD to your father. And THEN to take that a step (actually so many gross unnecessary steps) to get your hymen certified (how…
The thing that people so rarely talk about in this situation is how massively emphasizing virginity like this makes it almost a part of some womens’ lives, so even though they are now “allowed” to have sex with their husbands, they can feel hollow and worthless now that they no longer have this “important” thing as…
Calling Bullshit.
I remember when my church youth group did the True Love Waits curriculum. I went to the classes so I could make cringey faces, and then I was the only girl who refused to take the pledge in front of the church. I was also, by my own estimation, the last one to actually have sex.