While this is awesome, these kind of stories give me pause as to the state of my home and the impression it would give to FBI raiders. Like was I really too tired to throw my clothes in the hamper last night? Would the FBI guys sit around the office post pre-dawn raid and muse “hey did you see tornado’s underpanties…

You know what. Fuck it. I LIKE Watergate salad. Y’all ever been to a Southern church homecoming in like July or August? Big stinking tent in a parking lot outside a tiny ass backwoods church just full to the brim of old folks and humidity and potluck shit? Finding the piece of table with ice box pies and ice box…

When people ask what happened here, tell them that winter came for House Pornhub, and lots of people didn’t.

It’s not about leading voters to the Democratic side - the Republican nominee for President has won the popular vote only once in the last quarter century (Bush in 2004).

Nope, I still feel bad for them. Nothing deserves to suffocate to death on a highway, even terror-mouthed slime-nightmares.

Police: “Freeze!”

I prefer the Steve Rogers version.

Putin will bring menstruating women with him into a meeting to scare Trump.

As someone turning 30 pretty damn soon, the idea of paying hundreds of dollars to go to a crowded festival that may involve sleeping in tents just... doesn’t cut it anymore. The only festivals I’ll go to are the ones that are in/around major urban areas, and there are more than enough of those that I can see major…

I still cannot wrap my head around Waco being any sort of tourist destination. I was speaking to this Australian and after mentioning I went to college in Austin, she was like “oh! By Waco, I’ve been there.”

The version without Beiber is waaaaaaay more enjoyable.

Oh FFS, the outrage over this is like a poorly executed comedy-sketch of unintentionally self-parodying Lefties. As someone who cares deeply about Leftist causes, shit like this doesn’t help.

Seriously? This is the hill we die on? What was meant to be a small token of support is turned into a point of outrage? Im sorry but the reason trump and his supporters continue to shit all over us is because we devote too much of our very limited resources to bullshit infighting in a hope to be wokest. Can we get…

Bullshit, it’s nothing like that. DPRK makes it’s expectations Goddamned crystal clear to its visitors, as well as the severity of the penalties if you fuck up, which goes TRIPLE for Americans.

Has anyone explained to Donald that Mexicans are Christians too?

I’m more than a little baffled by all the “Who am I to judge?” comments on this post. If you don’t feel you have the moral standing to say unequivocally that raping, torturing and murdering children is bad, you probably shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near children either.

But if you can write a check that clears, suddenly you’re a good driver and no longer a menace on the roads?

I’m only sad that the elephant that killed him died.

Good.

This is really unnecessary.