Where do I preorder a white noise machine that loops Bernie saying “Kardashians” instead of ocean noises?

*buys ring*

Yep. Smart man.

I feel like I am an old and I’m 26.

Originally, Trump was going to build a large wall separating the bathroom from the rest of the apartment, since every day bought new alien objects (Melania’s poop) into his castle. He changed his mind because he couldn’t make the poop build the wall themselves.

Yeah! Fuck this guy diverting people from real issues by talking about real issues!

You’re like a troll, trolling right? Cause YOU are one of the reasons people won’t vote for Hilary in the primary. People don’t like knowing the ending. They want to believe that they have some input. And FYI: Bernie doesn’t take away from “real” issues. He brings real issues to the table. Without him Hillary would…

If ‘the Republicans have no chance against Hillary’, the why are you so pressed that Bernie is running? The people who are pro-Bernie have always had issues with Hillary - so he did not create them.

Diverting people from real issues... like poverty, racism, and the rapid stratification of US wealth... what?

Bernie and Hillary are serious people acting like serious candidates - discussing policy without resorting to fantastical lies and insults like the other side. They deserve our respect because they’re acting like adults. The “piss off, rednecks” line is more like the blather coming from the other side. Discuss Bernie…

his body is running at FULL EFFICIENCY

I really love Sanders. Who knew I’d be this excited about voting for an old white guy?!

Trump simply doesn't understand why anybody would need the bathroom. His body is so perfectly calibrated that it uses the only thing he consumes - the blood of 15, white, newborn kittens once a month - without any excess waste.

As I was reading, I also assumed Kevin Bacon would show up. I’m assuming a first “date” for one or more couples was watching “Footloose’.

“I would be a little concerned that skin tone for her is orange. Are you eating too much beta carotine in your family?”

OH MY GOD THANK YOU.

I dated a freelance Jazz pianist for like, 45 seconds, and he once played me an original jazz tune in the nude the morning after and I was just like... uhhhh sounds great but what I could really use is some excedrin and a cup of coffee thanx bye

Freaking angelic Canadians. *sigh*.
(Why the heck does the climate have to be so arctic up there? Say all the warmies with idealist dreams of migrating.)

that money would solve all my problems. like. all my student debt gone, pay off my parents mortgage. hire a caretaker for mom.... sigh.