12. It’s eyeliner and a sly glam tribute to Bowie.

I felt threatened by you guys having baseball bats during pregame. Here, let me spear you in the head.

Please provide evidence that supports your notion that Tom Cruise is “notorious for going way behind his contractual obligations while promoting”. Seriously, last time.

The NFL said no such thing, and of course the NFLPA said it wasn’t a salary cap issue, because it’s an ambiguity in the contract that hasn’t yet been interpreted and the NFLPA will have one side and the NFL another....

Where the hell are your socks? If you don’t have any because you are wearing sandals, your feet are already gross anyways.

No, I just don’t like having to vacuum and mop all the time. Taking off your shoes at the door helps immensely.

Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, the best in the game.

The one that frowns on murdering two people and covering it up?

I think I’ve got the lip-reading down, everyone — I believe he was repeatedly saying “peppermint roll.”

That’s a fair and expected opinion. Parenting is not easy, and it’s not a competition.

Yes, this discussion about being a grown up and making the tough choices in life should be directed toward the parent with a baby at the game instead of the dipshit who decided to throw a full beer can at someone because he was upset about a baseball game.

Remind me again how good ESPN’s ‘anonymous NFL sources’ have been over the past couple years. You know, the same ones that said the NFL didn’t have the Ray Rice video. Or the ones that said they’d never seen the pictures of Peterson’s bruised kid. Or the ones that Mortensen used to fuel the whole deflated balls saga.…

That shit happens. You will also mix up lunch bags out of fatigue and complacency. You will believe lies about brushing of teeth, of wearing sunscreen. You will say, “Be careful”, when you fucking know they’re not going to be careful.

So, I am a peanut allergy person and my parents regularly forget. I have no idea how I lived, tbh—my parents would order my sundaes, forget to tell the restaurants no nuts and when it inevitably came with nuts, just say “eh” and scrape them off. To this day, my father will offer me a handful of nuts and I’ll just kind…

This is the hottest take ever. Forget sportswriters Drew, just email this guy every week for your material. I want to have a viewing party to watch you spill your “honorable” tough-guy “you don’t know what it’s like to work so hard” tears, preferably in ultra HD. I want the St Louis Cards to hire you as their lead…

Can Drew just do another Why Your Team Sucks on this shitbag of a club? Please?

He sounds like a real winner. Regardless of your or his plans on having kids or not, this just makes him sound like one of those people that move through public spaces absolutely pissed off that every aspect of reality doesn't cater to his particular whims.

Just a metric fuckton of sweetness and awesome.

It bothers me that The Buzzcocks are in the 7th line.

This guy happens to be a part of my social circle. I'm very happy and very proud that if somebody I know was going to do something that went viral... that this is what it is.