Yes, "Thank You For Not Murdering Me And Putting My Corpse In The Crawl Space" does seem a tad low a bar for society, but hey, greeting card trends, huh?

....what?

Happy Father's Day! One of the leading causes of death for pregnant women in the United States is homicide, so thanks for not doing that. You rock!

Also, if you weren't already married, you could've married him to protect yourself.

Or, possibly because he was married.

Aww I can imagine the greeting cards now..

OMG I HAVE A STATISTIC TO PROVE THERE IS NO MORE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE EVER! WE SHULD WRITE A WAPO ARTICLE!

Her alive married life wasn't quite enough to keep her safe. Jack is only going to axe her to give her the added protection of married life as a ghost of a haunted hotel. They'll be much happier together as ghosts.

Ah, but for a woman and her children to be protected, they must be worthy and not drive a man to drink. Yep.

So the drunk guy following me down the street and commenting on what he wanted to do to my filthy cunt didn't do anything because I was married?

Man think about how bad he must have been when they were just dating!!

Good thing Jack Torrance is a married man. Look how safe his wife feels!

Hell, the beaten, abused, raped and murdered married women around the world - although we can start in Afghanistan.

"Aerial hog" made me hate-laugh.

Unfortunately, you don't need to travel all the way over to Afghanistan to see beaten and abused women.

And don't forget, husbands can't rape their wives. Or murder them. Men never do horrible things to their spouses. Stop. Wait. What are you googling? I swear it's true!

Ah yes - someone should have reminded (asshole alchie male relative) that as a husband he was supposed to PROTECT his wife and children - not kick the crap out of them after stumbling home from "work". Just a little sticker on the fridge or a post-it note with that helpful reminder would have made all the difference…

Hmmm all those crime shows about husbands murdering their wives must be made up then? Damn you reality TV!

BREAKING NEWS: Domestic violence is no more. Sources say that reports of domestic disputes have dropped to zero.

I just....no words. Only Jack.