... she was shot in the head and survived.

Good morning! And if I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night. :)

OH WAIT. MAKE THAT TWO PENISES (PENI?).

It was sad because it was completely impossible, as far as how I understand a penis works. The two characters were having sex, dude pulled out and immediately had floppy wang. I was very confused.

Nope, don't feel gross. I fucking love those damn Poptarts, I just don't buy them anymore because HOLY SUGAR BATMAN.

And I'm judging every heartless person who hates S'mores!

No amount of sugar and fruit will turn Rhubarb into NOT a vegetable. I swear, vegetables should NOT be in a got damn dessert.

I saw a floppy penis on the show once ...

Sugar + vegetable =/= dessert!

Nope. Vegetables cannot count as dessert. That goes against the entire fucking concept of a dessert.

Oh I do it, too, that's why I didn't get all ragey at your response. And yes, I know, Conan does kind of talk over guests, but I'm guessing that's not his choice (producers have him do this to stay on schedule?)

Still can't be as bad as fucking rhubarb pie.

Salt caramel ice cream is so delicious.

Story time again:

So my father-in-law loves tapioca pudding. He buys a shit ton of it when we go on fishing trips. My husband and I fucking HATE tapioca pudding.

It was a joke?

Or we're the non-stereotypical woman that rejects what most people think it means to be a woman and that scares the shit out of a lot of guys. I can recall almost every time I've been rejected by a guy and their reasoning was that I am too much like them.

If he'd let Martin talk, Conan would have ask one question and the answer would have lasted 30 minutes. Brevity is not a term Martin has in his vocabulary.

Maybe Beyonce was completely on her sister's side of the issue that caused Solange to lash out at Jay-Z. Maybe Jay-Z was treating Beyonce poorly and Solange wasn't having any of it?

I laughed so hard. Thanks for that, I needed that after reading that entire troll thread, don't ask why I did ...

I have the most superficial of relationships with my mom. I rarely talk to her anymore because I also couldn't handle her denial of mental health issues. And yeah, everything was perfect when we were kids according to her.