When I was a young woman, just starting my career, a middle-aged white man gave me this very helpful advice for being a woman in the workplace: “You should use your body to get ahead, while you are still young enough that men are interested in it.”

Hey! There’s nothing wrong with the white tanks and orange shorts of Hooters.

Sorry I can’t see anything, it’s so freakin white in here.

You forgot that four inch heels and thong are also on the agenda.

At this point he’s clearly doing this shit on purpose just to fuck with us. And by “this shit,” I mean “continuing to exist.”

The best uniforms. Look I’m not going to say they need to be required to wear cute uniforms. Should I say it, no I won’t say it. I will say uggos won’t be allowed to wear them. I’m doing them a favor believe me.

no no no, vn, i’m not a hero! i’m just a man, doing man stuff, if a world desperately in need of man things.

Thank god! There’s never any men to speak for us, to really know what we want, you know?

Especially women’s labor issuess. WalMart was sued in the largest gender discrimination class-action is history.

Well, actually, one needs to lead with “Well, actually,” in order to man correctly. A “m’lady” close is optional, but is there any reason not to aim for maximum patronization, m’lady?

“Could we get away with no outfits at all?”

Women in the workplace need less pay, less flexibility, and pink uniforms. Next question.

Doug McMillon, the chief executive of Wal-Mart

As a woman I’d argue these two dudes are perhaps... not the best fit for this role? But then again, I’m a woman—what do I know?

Well, thank goodness I went for one of those easily-could-be-a-trophy-wife degrees.