You can tell me to fuck off. I’m a big boy.

I swear anytime Drake is mentioned it baffles me how people think this guy is cool

Elon was on the committee that created Poochie.

I think Chappelle’s act is completely authentic and true to his personal worldview, which is that being a Black man in America is the ne plus ultra of oppression, and therefore anybody else claiming victimhood needs to be told why they aren’t as disadvantaged or marginalized as himself. The kind of sad thing about his…

It’s weird how much glee you’re taking in the collapse of a marriage between two people that you don’t know, with neither of them alleging any real mistreatment of the other. 

The Nerds found the Clit? Impressed.

My mom’s freezer has a basement?

She was arrested for bringing illegal drugs into fucking Russia ...

It’s funny you reference Abe Simpson yelling at a cloud because I came here looking for a fun little David Sedaris quip and got a 10+ paragraph history lesson on why it wasn’t funny straight from the “cranky Boomer over-explains joke, ruining it for everyone” toolkit. 

Jezebel has always been a self-parody. It’s just become an extremely lazy self-parody.

When your theme song can be used by an intelligence agency as torture -- IS it really harmless?

Jezebel is now producing self-parody right?  This is possibly the dumbest hot take I’ve ever read. 

That was where my mind first went. Well, after this:

Let me guess, the fully adult Jolie was also ‘groomed’ by Pitt and the entire marriage was a sham based on the ‘power dynamic imbalance’ between them that does not exist but we will pretend it does because it fits our women never wrong narrative.

Jesus, the savagery.

Why does it matter that the reporter is white? 

You do know that Florida only borders Georgia (the State, not the country), and Alabama, don’t you ? Or are you incapable of looking at a map?

The pictures of those bruises, which allegedly happened in 2016, look like they were taken with a Game Boy Camera.

Yeah, that was fucking gross.

The fuck is up with that title? The article is supportive at least but seriously... the fuck is with that borderline sarcastic tone and condescending tagline: