LOLOLOL

“Alternate universe”= A 26 year-old black girl whose parents listened to Motown and not the Rolling Stones.

Judge Brown concurs.

An amicus brief submitted to the Shade Court In re: Nicki v. Miley-

FACTS ARE THE DARKEST SHADE

I don’t think I’ve called someone a butt since grade three. That’s right up there with dickweed.

Which means a future life of Fox News Contributor and/or columnist for Breitbart or Daily Caller or some other anger-rag.

And now look back at the top picture.... wait for it.....

Wow. Coco just threw Ice-T some ice cold shade. This needs to go to Shade Court, stat!

My grandson drinks out of the dog bowl EVERY time he comes over. On all fours. I guess that’s a given. He also loves dog treats. Can’t give that kid a treat to give to the dog. He sticks it in his mouth and in the sweetest little two year old voice goes “Mmmmm...” He also eats dirt. Healthiest kid ever.

Last weekend, Baby Ruth was crawling around on the floor of a BBQ joint (think: communal tables, concrete floors). Several people schooled me - “the floor is so DIRTY!”

We just bought LilBallofStress a Samantha doll for her birthday last month, so she’s still around at least. Felicity, however, is retired much to my dismay...seriously, American Girl is missing a HUGE share of the “my parents wouldn’t cough up $100+ for a doll when I was a kid and now I’m a millenial with disposable…

Hey man, when my older sister was a baby she ate a dozen ivory* elephants, they were small, like pistachio sized, but still not something she should be eating, and she turned out fine. Plus I once swallowed a handful of change and I’m still here.

You forgot eating small magnets!

I had Felicity paper dolls. My sister had Kirsten. Felicity was superior because she had a riding habit, imo.

cajoling your kid to occasionally eat something other than Cheez-Its to avoid malnutrition and/or scurvy

My kid is 10 months and LOVES flip flops. Like he crawls all around the house to go find our flip flops on the floor. He’ll pick them up and play with them for like, 10 minutes, then ALWAYS try to stick one in his mouth. So gross. I’m not sure what’s so great about flip flops but I’m pretty sure he’d take them to bed…

I console myself on all cleanliness related issues that my aunts who kept their homes and children spotless are the ones whose kids had allergies and at least one weird autoimmune thing.