Also, “money trumps patriotism” - man, these people really take tone-deafness to an entirely new level. They have their own man in the White House, and he’s literally destroying America in order to make money for himself, and every single one of the goon patrol he’s surrounded himself with is there because they, too,…

Completely, emphatically agree - and since James Cameron very clearly realized the importance of the Ripley character, turning her into what Cracked describes as “A strange riff on Rambo as a repentant mother looking to redeem herself as a parent [...] the middle of a movie about drooling, fanged penis monsters”, and…

OK - well, newsflash, Ridley Scott (who I respect deeply as a visual director, for the record): There were exactly two things that were awesome about “Alien” and “Aliens”: The xenomorphs, and Ellen Ripley.

I still have pretty OK hopes for “Wonder Woman”, too - I mean, could you imagine, WW being the first DC movie superhero other than Batman to be legitimately cool?

“... or maybe just, you know, get a different job, because you have the acting chops of a particularly unlikeable plank of wood...?”

Well, all those bugs are big and slow. To truly creep me out he’d have to cover his hand in small, jittery, fast bugs of some kind - like, spider babies or something.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but... doesn’t that mean you can look in the wrong direction when the fun stuff happens?

No, fuck this. Fuck it hard.

The measure of a man is this: Can you watch an Honest Trailer for a movie you love and not feel like you have to defend yourself?

We did? I didn’t - and I’ve been clinging to the hope that this sequel wouldn’t be too tightly tied to “Prometheus”, which I consider one of the worst, dumbest movies I’ve ever seen (note: Not “ever”, just “ever” for me - not going into that discussion). 

Also, Blunt was an army captain. I think it fits in there somewhere.

Apparently nobody in the “Humans” or “Westworld” universes ever saw the Star Trek episode “Measure of a Man”...

Well, that sucked.

So, Walther the android says “drink requisite liquid” like a robot afflicted with Commander Data’s inability to communicate casually - and the next time he speaks it’s all “down the wrong pipe” and “got your back”?

“Shooter”, “Conspiracy Theory”, “Olympus has Fallen” - and my very worst movie shame, “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen”. Yes, the Sean Connery one.

Thanks, Lindelof...

Ye-up, it’s gonna suck. It’s a Prometheus one, not a “this guy did the original Alien” one.

See? I told you Thomas Jane was comeback-ing. In so far as he ever was... back... however that works.

All I know is, I started watching something with some pyramid magic lightshow conflict bullsh*t which looked so bad and seemed so stupid I stopped right there. Never even saw any opening credits.

Yes! Time to start tearing this sh*t apart, long before seeing it!!