So, naturally he shanked one right when it meant the difference.

The instant oatmeal has exploded all over the roof of the microwave 

That’s some hot instant oatmeal there

So would that make Jacksonville a Cleveland Steamer?

Carlos has gotta be happy yo leave Cleveland and move to well, hot Cleveland. 

If you listen, you can hear 500 guys in Jersey typing “He sure likes water when he’s got a boat though.”

20 years?! Why, that’s two Grudens.

This is the best headline I’ve read in a while.

The NFL only cares about injury reports because of Vegas right?

Back in his day, if you started a career 4.26 ERA/1.3 WHIP pitcher in the postseason, you stuck with him until 120 pitches!

Listening to Smoltz have a meltdown made the whole thing worth it, regardless of it actually works or not.

Just like when I took Algebra i always checked adjacent peoples tests just to make sure they weren’t cheating off mine

My god, the stress of being an NFL head coach must be incredible. McDermott has already pulled all of his hair out!!

Even better, it’s usually the teams in the middle of the draft doing most of the yapping, almost as if they want the player’s status to drop them into being drafted in the middle of the first... strange...

This will 100% work and change that person’s mind.

You can also get in the shower *before* you turn the water on and just aim the showerhead to not point at you as you stand in the back for a few seconds while it heats up, that way you don’t splash no matter how you get in.

no, it’s not. I wonder how it got there?

Is that a normal design on a sharpie? 

Take a look at Mary Bono’s marker. I know it’s a bald eagle, but its 2D design where the wings are outstretched and the head tilts to the left is awfully reminiscent of a certain regime’s Reichsadler.

“If he’s so white, why wasn’t he lined up as quarterback?” -Officer on the scene.