Thank you for transcribing this for us.

Just responding here to keep tabs on how many people end up missing the joke.

The victim was punched in the face, pushed to the ground and was uninjured?

That’s the Jaguars D for you...

Uh-oh, I think I owe the family of Rob Bironas an apology.

100% on Fowler’s side here. No one likes a whiner, especially one who has comments about your driving. Maybe next time, instead of going up and actually trying to be a hero, he’ll do what the rest of us do; mutter under our breath and hope he dies in a fiery crash.

Yeah it seems like an unfair exchange to me too but hey

Did I mean grammar? I don’t actually know, which does make me a pretty awesome hypocrit.

He’s gone in January, no matter what.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie showed off his athletic side...

Oh yeah, Edelman definitely wrote this in a response to something his therapist said about how to release a grudge you have been holding for 11 years.

If you’re a 5'9" white guy who’s playing in the NFL, you can tell “luck” to eat a dick.

That teacher lacks, um, a strong grasp on the English language. Though their conversational tone is certainly unique.

I can’t wait til Kaep caves, goes out and punches a woman and murders a few dogs and immediately gets offers from multiple NFL teams.

Not pictured: Jason Whitlock masturbating furiously off-camera

Dogged by Mike Vick. That’s ruff man.

It’s not about leading voters to the Democratic side - the Republican nominee for President has won the popular vote only once in the last quarter century (Bush in 2004).

He will win the war, mark my words.

It’s just supposed to be funny for the other parents who have the same thing happen to them. I don’t even have my own kids yet, and I enjoyed the hell out of this article.

He doesn’t want to say no. He wants his kid to have fun playing a video game. And he wants that more than he wants a bunch of cool video game swords.

I can’t believe you ruined Doom for your dad, what a piece of shit you are.