My cats were snuggling me on the couch and ran into the bedroom closet and are now cowering in fear from that.

1. Is she trying to seduce America?

Shut up and get back in the kitchen Laura. Nobody wants to hear a woman’s opinion on sports.

How on earth am I supposed to know what to like if I can’t tell what everyone else likes this is bullshit

All jokes aside, is this guy going to be able to walk in 10 years? He’s got more backbackback issues than Chris Berman.

But when they asked him about his experience, he said he had no memory of it.

The 49ers became sold on his ability to recruit personnel after reading on his resume that he spent 15 years working as a headhunter.

“I did the best out reach today. Believe me. I reached out my arm towards one of the blacks. They love me.”

I remember, after my beloved grandfather passed away, how my family would stiff armme to console me during my bouts of sadness and depression

Pictured: Trump figuratively and literally Heismaning African Americans.

Jason Garret has offered to donate his backbone, since he rarely uses his.

But twenty years later, which would you rather have: Some batting gloves or a story about the time you got burned by a major leaguer?

Leading Red Gives Message to America’s Children: “Get Cancer”

Plot twist: but the wish was to be told off by a major leaguer.

Boy is his face gonna be red when he finds out that kid really does have cancer!

I’m gonna wait for it to go on Sale.

As far as Calvins on Sunday, he is only second to Hobbes for bringing a paper tiger to life.

I really hope this team doesn’t go to represent the East. I hate everyone on that team. Delevadova can suck a dick, Love is a puss, LeBitch is a cry baby who thinks every play that doesn’t go his way is wrong, J.R. is a fake gangster boy, Irving is a punk who thinks hes a superstar, Shumpert looks like a black Bart…