What I always love about those stories about how committed the QBs are and how they are devoting themselves to the game is that they apply basically to every single semi-competent quarterback. It is just that with the good ones like Brady or Mahomes you don’t need to trot out those stories as everyone can just watch…

I believe the correct jargon used by the kids these days is, “yeet”

Nice. I applaud your work, and hope you will consider money laundering as a career choice.

Nacho Cheese is the superior flavor. It is the gold standard of flavored chips, it is abundant, direct, it has nuance but never betrays its original character, it is even a wonderful color. It does all this without even tasting that much like traditional nacho cheese, yet still being incredibly delicious and…

Wrong, fucko.  Salmon is bad and isn’t a part of a balanced breakfast!

Eggs Benedict with fresh salmon under the egg.

Bullshit. It's nowhere near as bad as they've said. 

Weird. Because they proved the whole secondhand smoking thing was bullshit. 

This has always been my argument for why Federer is the GOAT. Yeah, slam titles are an important metric but they’re not the only thing to consider and I think people put a bit too much emphasis on them. Maybe Djokovic will end up with the most slams but I don’t think anyone can match the complete mastery of the sport…

OHHHH SHIT THAT’S A GREAT IDEA

I think I will wait for the next go around when there is a flamin’ hot variation.

Richard graduated from Southern Mississippi with a major in exercise science

Should US soccer send money to USMNT members that play in the MLS to subsidize their MLS salaries like they do for USWNT members that play in the failing women’s professional league?

The problem lies here: “I don’t care which team earns more for US Soccer or less.” 

How would they do against a good (men’s) MLS team? A decent men’s national team?

Dear Penthouse,

Please explain, citing examples, who the “honest to goodness fascist, Nazi types” in our government are, and why.  I’m interested to hear which of our government officials have taken steps to exterminate other races from the face of the earth using death camps and torture.

How could you hate Pitbull? He’s Mr. Worldwide! 

I had no idea The Takeout was populated with so many psychopaths who either don’t like brie at all or don’t eat the rind. Brie is delicious buttery cheese and the rind is just part and parcel. I’ve never even tried taking it off, I’m not even sure how that would work. 

1 out of 25 people every year get gored by a bull while texting, please take the time to donate to this special cause so we can stop this epidemic before it's too late. #itcanwait