I will be blushing and uncomfortable for the next two weeks after having read this.

A guy I liked called my house while I was attending Lollapalooza in 1992. My mom answered the phone, and told him I was at “That Lollypalootzski”.

They don’t call it the Hollywood Herps for nothing. Actually they don’t call it that, not that I’m aware of. Should they? Probably not. How about Herpywood?

My husband calls Gary Sinise “Gary Sin-Say.” He has an English accent but that's no excuse. Also, my autocorrect changed Sinise to asinine.

Toile. They mean toile, but aren’t fashionspeaky enough to know that’s what it’s called.

Like, Michelle Obama is beautiful, and they kind of gave her Derp Face.

So this friend of a friend of mine mentioned working with Scott Disick recently and I had to ask about his spiral out of control. My own personal source!

Someone doesn’t like Julia Roberts.

coats the mouth, gives me a headache and i swear i can taste it at like 1ppm. and straight up, have you ever seen a fit person drink diet anything? the only people i know who drink diet on the regular are morbidly obese.

One sip and i can taste it instantly. i usually end up getting a headache or migraine from it. Also i’m not one of those “everything gives me a headache people”

Completely agreed. ALL artificial sweeteners taste gross. Cane sugar, and not too much of it, is the way to go.

Pssst! Dont’ tell anyone about this, but I have a secret that works great: I don't drink soda at all. I thought that maybe I'd get in trouble if I didn't, but nobody's gotten in my face about it yet.

I don’t mean to scare you, but I recommend you watch this pseudo-scientific documentary about the evils of Aspartame®. Spoiler: Everybody dies.

Never Forget:

Yes! I may or may not know exactly what you are talking about.

My folks have a wine cooler that requires both ice in it and to be plugged in to an electrical socket. It’s like the inconvenience of needing ice for an ice bucket mixed with the inconvenience of needing electricity to run your fridge, with zero added convenience. You can’t even use it outside- the only place where…

My cake leveler looks like a hacksaw blade and it has adjustable locking legs. Its perfect if you baked a lot of filled layered cakes because your layers are always uniform thickness and nice and level. Its difficult to achieve that with a knife.

Heh. You guys take the foil off wine bottles, I just plow through that sucker and the cork does the rest. OR I twist and pull it off. I like to keep it classy.