“Doth I read an article making mild jest of a known and rather amusing quirk of a head coach? Well then I must retort with a deflection toward a completely unrelated subject regarding a completely unrelated team. O, how pithy mine wit be!”

My 90-year old grandfather still goes to the gym five days a week. In his case, it’s inspiring and sweet because he’s trying to maintain whatever health he can. And he has no delusions about being a body builder or athlete.

This kind of sensationalist nonsense isn’t why I come to Deadspin.

I would drink his tears, gain his power and attempt a bicycle kick.

“Who wants to project Mutombo!?!”

Kobe just went 1 for 14 and then said, “My shooting will be better. I could’ve scored 80 tonight. It wouldn’t have made a damn difference.” He’s completely lost his fucking mind.

it kills people like you that Sixers fans actually like this plan over the mediocrity and no vision organization that was the 2002-2013 76ers.

This just in: someone likes something i don’t. To the internet!

“You know there’s all kinds of people that come out,”

he’s done it while playing a style of basketball that’s more than a little reminiscent of college-era Lamar Odom

Stopped reading. Features two of the best montages in cinematic history, let alone this series, along with the redemption not just of a person, but a whole nation. 10/10, would change again.

You’ve insulted Rocky IV, and therefore insulted America. You should be ashamed.

Give me Mannion, part Manning, part onion!

Tom, maybe you didn’t watch the video, but the Ravens were offsides. It’s a free play, and the results count only if the Rams want them to — the Rams accepted the penalty, so nothing that happened the last play actually happened. No play, no concussion. Case closed.

I can go a whole week on two pairs of pants, provided I don’t shart myself in both of them.

That’ll show ‘em.

Avoiding Iowa is good advice to anyone.

Under the current NFL bylaws I think the Chiefs are required to pick up any discarded 49ers QBs.

Eagles will sign both of them next week.

We grow copious amounts of ganja, yah? And you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking- culturalist!