Your "I don't like soccer" joke would have worked a lot better (working under the myth that "Wah Wah, I don't like the subject of this article" jokes are ever funny) if the biggest highlight in US soccer history wasn't off a fast-break counter.

Just another schmuck who thinks calling dibs means something.

Are we sure about that? I would never say going up against this year's Everton is going to test your ability to score...

I'm really mystified why you, this site's most enjoyable writer, are being so obtuse about this. I feel way more insulted by "come see this shitty team maybe make the playoffs" than "come see this quite worse (possibly 13 whole wins worse!) but much younger team try their best"

As a 76ers fan, I was much more insulted by almost any move by Billy King made minus "drafting Iggy" (Side Note: I will be VERY happy if Golden State wins this year) than what the Sixers are currently doing. If the complete and utter tear down and re-build they are doing now is insulting, then what the hell was that…

I really wonder that, if the Sixers didn't start off 0-17, but rather, say, 4-13 (a win or two worse than their winning % after that 0-17 start), would we be talking about them differently? I mean, it would only improve their record past two teams, but it would certainly turn terms like godless abominations into…

I think you're being too generous about Peter King taking a stand on this. Give it a week and suddenly he'll modify this opinion based on "having some discussions with important people."

Let me guess, you're one of those people who thinks the 90's began on 1/1/1990 too, right?

Despite cheering for my cities' teams in every other sport, I bandwagon'd onto the Pats for pointless reasons (I was 5, who gives a shit what the reasons were) in-between getting shellacked by the Bears and Bledsoe being drafted. Do I get to jump off because Boston fans are aggravating as shit or am I stuck with these…

Wait, I thought people rooted against the Thunder because the Thunder were super-duper tankers who tanked their way into being a perennial contender?

Way to equate the name of a professional sports team that is also a slur against Native Americans with using slurs against Native Americans. You must work for a company that appreciates your ability to comprehend basic logic.

Haha, I literally read that Top 5 going, "Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong wrong... ok, criminally underrated is fine."

The 50th? I'm sorry, but when half of those are just laughing at the word "balls" then you and I have very different definitions for what makes an article useless (For the record: articles joking about the word "balls" are not useless).

Yeah, but what shitty pun could they make about that? I mean, who can spend THAT much time making up puns based off what's happening around the world?

The sad part is that the people who victim-blame don't believe they're doing so and usually feel the real victim is the accused, somehow.

No, the equivalent to the fielder's choice is it doesn't go great, but nothing spectacularly bad happened and everyone just moves on with their life. Your example is like that time the Mets hit into a game-ending unassisted triple play.

African Bishops: Hey Western world, give us money!

I think that besides the Indy area, underdog rooters, and Pats haters, no one wanted to see Indy in the Super Bowl. Sure, they have the Sky Ogre, who is awesome in every way, but that Super Bowl would have been as boring as the AFC Championship game. At least if the Pats or Seattle blows the other out, you get your…

And here I thought that the most interesting story about the Sixers was that other franchises are so bad that there are two teams worse than the team that's "trying to lose."

It really is heart-warming to see so many students out there in Happy Valley celebrating the reinstatement of wins in Joe Paterno's coaching career. I mean, just think, a few years ago when all the child-raping that he was ignoring was going on, they would have been children whose rapings were being ignored by such a…