I'm less worried about the JLaw thing than I am about the whole "touched up more than a choir boy at the Vatican". WTF Joan Rivers? There are tons of touched up jokes that don't go straight to pedophilia. Like for example "touched up more than Joan River's face" - rumor goes 700 surgeries, non?

Go Courtney with your new look — the dark hair is a vast improvement.

Courtney looks great with dark hair but, those boobs...girl, those boobs.

Shouldn't that be "Khristmas from hell"?

Excellent. I've been so disappointed with the disappearance of smart comedies. Watching stuff like Better off Ted, The Bitch in Apartment 23, etc. makes me sad since they're so short-lived.

But whiskey is what you drink every day. This is the time of the year to get drunk, fancy style.

But, Lindy, if you're kind to them, they'll think they're people!!!!

Is Kim even aware of the word "modesty"?

Maybe Jessica Biel has better things to do than be an accessory to her husband. Yeah. Maybe.

Loving the rainbow kerchief. Apparently boy scouts in Utah know how to accessorize and be generous and kind.

Was that pizza topped with dust and pet dander? Because MY EYES! They are leaking!

While there isn't a show about gay rednecks, there is a gay redneck on Honey Boo Boo who is the uncle of the little girl Alana. As much as everyone piles on their family for being such country bumpkins, they show more tolerance and acceptance than these pious, self righteous duck hunters and pretty much blow that…

whatever, I'll be that person: if the ladies are playing themselves, it's kind of weird that Kate McKinnon doesn't take another lady home, right?

So I grew up going to evangelical Christian camp (think "jesus camp") and so I have my "dealing with religious bigots" game down. So to everyone on the internet who is like "freedom of religion!! ARGARGARG" to them I have three things to say:

So this is John Tucker Must Die, with adults.

A nice twist would be for Cameron Diaz and Leslie Mann falling in love with each other.

She really is insanely luminous. Do I have to be sober to get this skin???

I've always known it was ridiculous, but I love it anyway. Nothing wrong with something silly that gives you warm christmas fuzzies. I feel it in my fingers. I feel it in my toes...

Ok, "cock-blocktopus" is the greatest phrase you've ever coined, hands down.

"Unacceptable hat" = early 2000s hat!