You need to report her, and only heed the advice of your actual doctors. Her erratic behavior strikes me as extremely worrisome, especially her threats. She is simply not behaving like a medical professional should, and as such you shouldn't feel like she deserves the benefit of the doubt or to practice medicine…

Nooooo! I saw him in concert with a thousand 11 year olds! He was literally so sexy. Nobody made it out of there with their girlhood.

Aaaaand I want a bagel now, for some fucking reason.

Right, but I thought she didn't notice anything until her boyfriend was rummaging around down there because he kinda poked it out of the way and behind it was all the gunk. Like it sorta spilled out after he moved it. Or idk. I've probably transferred about enough brain waves into thoughts on other ladies' lost cock…

I have this theory that I can't quite back up that many celeb bodyguards are mega hot because they are failed/ex-models and actors. Not that he looks like he would make a bad professional pretty person, but acting is hard to make a living at and modeling has a short shelf life and even shittier pay, especially for…

I got the impression that it was kinda...plugged up there near her cervix. *barf cries*

Well, everyone my age (born circa 1995) was inoculated against it. So I'm guessing her kids are, but even if they weren't all their friends should be so idk how THEY'D get it.

That would be awesome, but you wouldn't believe how far in advance they do photoshoots. Like months and months and months prior to publication. If she's only in her first trimester, it's way more likely that she wasn't pregnant yet in the pictures, let alone anywhere near "showing" a bit.

Sort of a non-sequitur, but how do you accidentally find porn from the Clinton administration? Seems too young to be vintage and too old to be on the regular internet.

A live-cam like he's in a private video chat with some girl? That I would have a definite problem with. That's where I draw the line at cheating. Is it like a girl in a public video chat taking requests? That's more gray area for me, but I'd probably be mad. Basically I'm cool with porn as long as my boyfriend is open…

I don't regret they way I lost my virginity. It was goofy and cute. Somehow it lasted from foreplay to completion two full playings of The King's Speech on BluRay. Yes, we did choose The King's Speech as our mattress squeak muffling movie, because we were in a dorm and I hadn't seen it in a while.

I love how the second guy uses the phrase "stay home girlfriend" like you would "indoor cat." Like there are zero pretensions about the fact that he wants to lock you up in his apartment all day after dressing you like a dolly.

Kay so I was gonna post this as a joke this but now I'm legitimately crying.

I know we joke about this on Jez a lot, but man oh man, I wish Lorde was my best friend. Like I can't think of a single chiller, more with-it person. And I wanna borrow her pantsuits.

My face right now:

Or even worse...pictures of happily married gay couples and their beautiful children! *lightening strikes*

Ah, stupid "thing." Things suck. Also the pic on top is Michelle Williams, she of the Perfect Pixie Cut of Dreams. Definitely look her up for styling ideas.

Sigh. So the past year has been really wonky for me. I've just felt absolutely rootless and like my life isn't going where I want it to. But I just lined up an internship interview for next week, and I realized last night that I might be getting straight A's this semester. AND one of my professors approached me and…

Okay, this comes from a place of love, and you are a superstar, but you got a pixie cut two days before starting a new job?! GIRL. That is ballsy to the core. Alas, sometimes life punishes the ballsy. I've never had a pixie cut, although I'm seriously obsessed. My head has roughly the same proportions as it did when I…

You are me. English is the only thing I'm able to think about long enough without hating, but do I really want a job in academia or publishing? Or to try and fail at a job in academia or publishing???? This isn't comforting advice at all, just know that you're not alone.