Owner of that gameboy gets to be the kid with tape over their battery port. Much mocking is in their future.

I fry grilled cheese in bacon grease and butter.

Yeah...love bacon. Even named my dog Bacon, Francis Bacon.

Only 30%? I was under the impression he was halfway there

I would totally be okay with eating Taco Bell for most of my remaining life. It will be a short one.

Did you get a free temporary number tattoo with purchase?

There would be a lot of fires.

That comment about Blue Ivy was stupid and mean, but making fun of kids is wonderful when it's done right. There are rules though:

I can see it now...riots like the Vancouver Stanley Cup riot breaking out in cities all across the nation. Millions injured and maimed.

As an aside: I grew up in Missouri. When I was growing up, we had Dunkin Donuts. Then, for some reason, they all left, and a fair few of the places that stayed donut shops became "Donut King"s...

We would be like the bugs-bunny-florida animation and remove ourselves from the continent.

And the award for Inadvertently Porniest Euphemism goes to...JurassicBark for "meat avalanche."

Good god I needed that laugh. Kudos!

I will be Murder, She Ate.

Private Eyes Are Weight Watching You!

Put me down for "Kalorie-Kounting Kojak," Kardashian style.

IBS investigator.

Phillip MarLo-Cal.

I'll be Chocolate Brown, of the Encyclopedia Cocoas, of course.

(Where in the world is) Carmen-Apple Sandiago.